Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Gordon in the morning: Gordon is a Tory

Well, whoever would have thought it? After a decade of supporting the people best-placed to do Murdoch favours from Downing Street, this morning The Sun makes the shocking announcement that, henceforward, the paper will support the people best-placed to do Murdoch favours from Downing Street. In a historical leader that none of its readers will read, the Sun insists that it is time for the paper to cosy up to the party most likely to be shaping broadcasting policy for the next four years.

Oh, and some stuff about how Britain is all broken and stuff, and how bodies get left unburied and stuff. All that stuff.

And as Dominic Mohan opened the file with the words "It is vital for the country that we can tell [insert name of party leading in the polls] that we helped secure their victory" and pasted it into the paper, Gordon Smart was doing his bit for a Cameron victory by underlining the theme of broken Britain:

Amy's music-making has also come to the attention of some people far closer to home.

Neighbours in her smart London borough are tiring of her late-night recording binges.

The singer is often up until 5am warbling, and locals have begun to complain.

Can David Cameron save the poor people of the nicer parts of London?

Only time will tell.

It's not just a political realignment this morning, though, as Gordon calls for Noel Gallagher to be dropped from public life:
Take a Bow, axe Lord Noel

Yes! Let's take a bow and axe Noel Gallagher. Although what are we going to use the bow for? Oh... hang on... you mean "axe lord", don't you?
The axe Lord has teamed up with fellow Manc rocker IAN BROWN.

The duo star in a new advert for Adidas and filmed their appearances in the new campaign at an industrial estate in East London last week.

So Noel's now flogging shoes? I see.


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is quite painful seeing some other sites out there are actually presenting this "news" as actually shocking and not just "Tory paper owned by notorious Tory switches from supporting Tories to supporting Tories". Still, I am surprised that Smart is still allowed to write about that trouble making Gallager. Surely he should have been complaining about how he was a bad influence on the poor little children of the country with his excess and his Labour ways or whatever. Tut, tut, Gordon. I suppose we'll have to wait until tomorrow for the reports on Conservative girl groups (complete with those token hypocritical pictures of them not wearing very much) praising "Davie". Anyone want to place their bets on which group it'll be? Girls Aloud always seemed a little blue to me... (Sun-style pun intended)

acb said...

Lord Noel? Please tell me he hasn't been given a title and a seat in the House of Tony's Cronies...

adhe donat said...

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