Thursday, January 07, 2010

ITV invite singers to sing in a slightly different way

It's very easy to write off everything ITV does as being a cheap rip-off of ideas the BBC has already tried. Except for when it's Simon Cowell being Mickie Most. Still, it's not like they're going to try and clone Maestro, the celebrities-being-classical-musicians show, are they?

Oh, yes they are:

Can eight singers from the world of pop transform their voices and master the art of opera? Find out as we join hosts Myleene Klass and Alan Titchmarsh for ITV’s sensational new singing show, Pop Star To Opera Star.

Oh, god.

It's even got Alex James on it, off of Maestro.

Hang about: didn't they say "eight singers"? Sure, he did a smattering of vocal bits for Blur, but he's hardly a singer, is he?

Who else is turning up for this?

Marcella Detroit

It's not like it's going to be the longest journey from her usual style to opera, is it? Nice to see her doing some work, though.

Bernie Nolan

There has to be a Nolan on all ITV programmes. It's mandated by Ofcom. The idea is, if you see a Nolan's face, you'll know what channel you're watching.

Kym Marsh

I suppose this is because she was ineligible for Soapstar Superstar. Or maybe it's a way of squeezing extra bang from the Corrie buck. Like when that bloke who plays Kirk was on Mr & Mrs. Expect to see Norris being interviewed by Piers Morgan soon.

Danny Jones

Yes, who used to be in McFly. He now looks like a man who has aged thirty years in the last ten. Perhaps it's the horror of knowing that people just want to see a photo of his cock.

Darius Campbell

Talking of 'people who exist mostly so that the internet can discus their penis', it's the return of Darius.

Yes, it is the same Darius - he's taken his mother's maiden name. Nobody quite seems sure why - The Sun suggested it was because "Hollywood is going Scots crazy" on account of, erm, Gerard Butler doing well. But given the same Sun piece has Dane...Campbell's agent admitting that they don't know why he's changed his name, that seems unlikely. And given that Campbell is doing this sort of thing, it's not like he's really pushing for a lead in the next Bond movie, is it?

Jimmy Osmond

Oh, Lord. Still, seeing as he was doing Come Dine With Me over Christmas, this might constitute a comeback.

Vanessa White

She's in The Saturdays and, according to the list in front of me, will be one of the Sugababes during the autumn.

[Big thanks to @NerysX for the link]