Gordon in the morning: Inspector Madge

Gordon excitedly reports that Madonna is investigating who has been leaking her rotten new tunes early:

Madonna had her magnifying glass and notebook out too, conducting her own Sherlock Holmes-style investigation into a costly "leak" in her camp.

You might have thought the mention of Sherlock Holmes would have been to create some sort of link to her ex-husband's rotten new Sherlock movies, but instead it's just to allow this bit of Photoshop horror:

You'd have thought Marple would have been the more obvious reference point. Or, given that this is about detectives and people listening to things they shouldn't, maybe this?

Perhaps he couldn't find a decent picture of Glenn Mulcaire in a hurry. Or maybe, like everyone else at News International, he can't quite remember who Mulcaire is, or what he does, or anything.

As with all detective stories, there's a fall guy. In this case, a Spaniard who put a leaked track online:

A source said: "Her camp were aware of the Spanish character because he was an annoying super-fan.

Oh, yes. Fans are so very annoying, aren't they? How fortunate that with each passing day, Madge has fewer and fewer of those to worry about.

It seems the leaks originate with people close to Madonna:

It would have to be someone close to get access to that kind of material. It's clear a serious betrayal has been going on.

Gordon seems outraged at the idea of someone close to Madonna leaking stuff out. A couple of paragraphs after running an anonymous quote from a source which - if not a made-up quote - would, erm, have had to have come from someone close to Madonna.