Billy Joel might have made first contact; possibly cured cancer; could steal moon

The world, and all seven billion people upon it, are expected to fall silent next week, as our new leader Billy Joel will address us:

Billy Joel just announced that he will hold a press conference at Madison Square Garden on December 3rd to make an "exclusive and historic announcement." Neither he nor the arena have given indication of what they are going to announce, but the moment will be broadcast live on Fuse, the MSG Network and BillyJoel.com.

A historical announcement, eh? There's no way that's just going to be a few extra gigs, because nobody would attract attention to such a 'man does job' press conference in such terms, would they?

My guess is that he's pulled off cold fusion. I literally cannot wait for this moment of unprecedented import in our planet's story.