2013 Steps To Nowhere: March

Justin Bieber took to the stage late, and hoped God would sort it for him. Michelle Shocked railed against gay marriage, and then tried to say she was just pretending to be someone else. The Osmonds fought amongst themselves.

People with small dicks still upset by Short Dick Man, all these years later. You know who's not got a small dick? Ne-Yo. He's huge and considerate.

The Stone Roses were out to get Azealia Banks. She believed. Suede said something gentle about boybands. Robbie Williams took it personally.

Radio 2 DJs rebelled against being marked out of 10. As if things weren't bad enough for Dermot O'Leary, who had to shutter a fish shop.

The Cheeky Girls illuminated the immigration debate.

GWAR launched a table sauce while Gucci Mane experimented with a name change.

What could be worse than a Lennon musical? One put together by John Power, perhaps.

Bonnie Tyler for Eurovision. How could that go wrong? China would make no room for Kraftwerk, though.

Morrissey doesn't like much of anything. It's making him sick.

TMZ killed off Lil'Wayne. Also not dead: music, not killed by filesharing.

Splitting: My Chemical Romance, Girls Aloud, Razorlight
Returning: Atomic Kitten
Closing: Done Waiting


[Part of 2013 Steps To Nowhere]