2014 Forever: January

Starting a presumably twelve part look back over the last year in music.

MTV published a piece about how to pick up women at gigs, because, obviously, that's the only reason there'd be a woman at a gig, right?

Madonna got cross when people suggested kids and gin might not mix. Lady GaGa got cross when people suggested working with R Kelly might have been a mistake. Madonna got even crosser when she used the n-word and people objected.

Lorde told people not to come up with a pun-based nickname for her fans. She also spoke about how she felt having become a public commodity, which Telegraph readers used as an excuse to kick her around a bit.

Alex James attempted to register Britpop as a trademark. He was going to use the brand to sell lemonade. I'm afraid this is true.

The inevitable appearance on Madonna in Miley Cyrus's shadow happened. As did Robbie Williams Day in Stoke.

Tom Morello reckoned his new album is as good as Hendrix. James Arthur reckoned he's not a homophobe any more. Lily Allen reckoned someone offered her nearly all the Bitcoins in the world.

Duran Duran objected to their music being used in a yoghurt ad, but the track was pulled because of its links to a grisly murder anyway.

Ricky Wilson revealed that even he'd been bored shitless by the Kaiser Chiefs.

Brit Awards nominations included Bruno Mars, and that's all you really need to know. The NME Awards shortlist had Palma Violets on it. Daft Punk won all the Grammys. All of them.

Justin Bieber was going through a rough period. Luckily, massage-loving UKIP MEP Roger Helmer was on hand to stick up for him.

Last FM started to look for another business model

Somehow, Kym Marsh found herself having a music career relaunch masterminded by David Gest. Nobody noticed. Probably not even Kym.

Did the world really need a Beatles cover album with Mick Hucknall and The Stereophonics? Not as little as it needed a Hee Haw musical.

TripleJ killed Australian music, apparently.

Liam Payne sent a cheery tweet to the Duck Dynasty gun toting homophobes.

In something of a highlight this year, Alfie Boe fans piled in to explain why his humiliation of people whose phones go off isn't humiliating at all, despite both he and his manager revelling in the poor victims' embarrassment.

Splitting up: Vivian Girls
Launching: Beats streaming service

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Next: February]