... AND YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS: Prizes for everyone at the Silver Clef awards, organised by the Nordoff Robbins music charity. George Benson sashayed across to take the Raymond Weil International Award, Iron Maiden won something called the Deluxe Space Special Achievement Award. They gave Morrissey a prize for "being an inspiration to others", an influence so deep they gave best newcomer award to Jamie Cullum and another prize to Will Young - neither of whom, I suspect, would be here today without The Smiths.

GEORGE IS GETTING UPSET: One of Lionel Richies ambitions, he tells Jet magazine, is to reunite the Commodores - god alone knows why, it's not like there's not already umpteen opportunities to hear Easy Like A Sunday Morning on any commercial for a sofa company or anything else that comes vaguely under the leisure heading. Even more perplexingly, he seems to refer to himself in the third person, like George Costanza when he gets upset.

HANDS OFF OUR RADIO: The Consumer Electronics Association has attempted to head off the RIAA's latest move, to try and stifle digital radio in the US by insisting that any programming is copy protected. The CEA has pointed out that there's absolutely no reason to assume that there's a problem with digital radio, and wonders aloud why the RIAA is suddenly making a fuss:

"The introduction of DAB functions will be an enhancement, not a replacement, for analog signal acquisition. RIAA has never requested an imposition on FM broadcasting, so one must question the absurd result of imposing impairments on DAB broadcasts, but not on FM broadcasts, which are comparable in quality and received by the same device at the same time."

... and, of course, are equally possible to record on a computer. Have the RIAA not noticed what you can do with the BBC Radio Player and audio hijack, for example?

J-LO SAYS NO: After the reports earlier this week that Jennifer Lopez would be signing up with Tommy Mottola comes the denial:

"Earlier in the week there was a statement in one of the Hollywood trade papers indicating that Jennifer Lopez was in talks to be managed by former Sony executive Tommy Mottola. This information is not true and was never substantiated by Ms. Lopez or her company. The information is false, and currently Ms. Lopez is not in discussions with him, nor any other manager or management firm. All of Ms. Lopez's business dealings and transactions are handled by her business partner/manager Simon Fields."

We might take this a little more seriously if this statement had come from Jennifer Lopez, and not from the press office which would be run by, um, Simon Fields.

WHAT THE POP PAPERS...: There's a curious piece on the BBC Collective site at the moment focusing on the death of the music/style magazines. What makes it especially interesting is that it should be written from an insider's perspective, as the author is Stuart Turnball, former Sleaze Nation editor, music editor for Sleaze, and an associate editor on X-Ray. If anyone should know why music and style magazines are failing, it should be Stuart, whose CV comes across like a hurricane chaser of magazine collapse. He makes some interesting predictions - it's "only a matter of time" before other broadsheets follow the Observer in launching a standalone music supplement (The Sunday Telegraph Boogie Box? Can't see that somehow; while the Guardian already has pretty much that in the Friday Review, albeit sharing its space with films as well, like Uncut); he also fumes "Anyone who considers today’s style or music mags rebellious is deluded. When you’re in the pocket of advertisers or the clutches of an obscenely rich and usually Philistine publisher, you are, as Bill Hicks so beautifully put it, “sucking Satan’s cock”" - he edited a magazine for Capital Radio's XFM brand, and worked for Sleaze, remember, so it's kind of curious where the sudden distaste for such titles comes from.

Stuart's conclusion:

"The future of the UK underground press lies in a marriage of digital and print. Mags supported by websites and vice versa, with no dictates from advertisers, supported by users/readers for users/readers – the only way for honesty and truth to remain intact. We need fresh mags and fanzines to rise out of the mire and explore the in-between spaces of contemporary culture, the areas ignored by commercial clamour. It’s an ideal, but where would we be without ideals?"

Although he doesn't quite manage to explain how, precisely, the magazines will support the websites and the websites will support the magazines without the need for either of them to ever bother with setting up an advertising department. If only we could be told how, precisely, the unique way these endeavours will be funded.

OH, YES, HE'S BACK HOME...: The ongoing tragedy of Pete Doherty: No sooner had the Libertine returned to the UK, but he got pulled over on a driving offence. A search discovered, allegedly, a flick knife, with the end result that he's now looking at a court appearance for driving dangerously, without a licence, and without insurance, and possession of an offensive weapon. He might find jail harder to evade than The Priory or the thai monastery.

WHERE WERE ALL OF YOUR LAUGHIN FRIENDS?: The reactivation of Psychic TV seems to be more than just a whimsy on the part of Mr. G. P. Orridge - they're returning with some dates in the US, the long-delayed Godstar album (a soundtrack to a movie about Brian Jones, of course) and some sort of bizarre attempt on the part of Genesis and his wife Miss Jackie to merge via plastic surgery to create a "third being", Breyer P Orridge. The frankly icky sounding scheme is being touted about under the Pandrogeny banner, and it sounds like the sort of thing Discovery Health stick out when they've run out of programmes about GIs having babies and getting married.

AVRIL LAVIGNE BUYS HER FRIENDS: We mentioned a while back that we thought the free gigs in the Mall suggested that Arista, Avril Lavigne's label, didn't feel entirely confident that the second album from their angyr young Jennifer Aniston clone was going to be able to work on its own merits, and so in need of an awful lot of shoring up. Now, it seems, Arista were so afraid that Avril's comeback might stiff they paid a small fortune for radio plays. And since the media is never an industry to look a gift horse in the mouth, stations across the States were happy to take the cash and play Avril again, and again, and again: WQZQ-FM happily put Don't Tell Me on 109 times in a week. Now, there's nothing strictly illegal about this - payola has been outlawed, but, apparently, providing you mutter something about the track being "brought to you in association with..." it's seen as advertising. Except, of course, when the number of plays of records are being totted up - even though the plays have been paid for, they still count as airings for a track on the radio; which helps a record leap up Billboard's National Radio Play Chart. And a song which does well there will get added to playlists of loads of other radio stations, who don't want to be caught not giving space to a record that's clearly hot. Now, you could argue that a comeback by Avril would have made the list anyway, but a few hundred paid-for appearances here and there can make the difference between, say, number six and number four in the top ten, and, crucially, between being a riser and a faller. And, let's not forget, radio plays are also counted in to the chart position on the US singles chart, so it won't hurt there, either. In fact, the situation starts to look more and more like Viz's old charts, where positions were based solely on the amount the label coughed up. Avril's single is a success, yes... but someone's really had to pay for it.
[Thanks to Maximus for the link]

AS I PUT ON MY MAKEUP/ I MOVE MY LIPS IN TIME TO A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOU: While we understand the reasons, say, Britney Spear lipsyncs on stage (because if she was actually miked up, you'd hear the words 'ow my bloody knee' every few minutes), and why Posh Spice does it (to spare us having to hear actually attempting to sing), we can't help but feel disappointed that Aretha Franklin pre-recorded her Star Spangled Banner - in her vestibule, no less, for the NBA finals.

GHOST VANISHES: Look, you could at least try and look upset at the news that Ghost of the Robot, James Marster's band have split.

Let's all take comfort in James' statement, shall we?

After two great years of music making and touring I have decided to dissolve the band Ghost of the Robot. This was not an easy decision to make but one that was thought out thoroughly with consideration to you, the amazing fans and my amazing band mates.
There are no bad feelings or creative differences that lead to this decision. I have always given 100 per cent of myself to my craft and I felt that the band and the fans would suffer now that I will be devoting all my time to new film and television projects since Buffy and Angel are no longer in production. Please know how much I have appreciated everyone's support of me and of the band. I hope that you will continue to support me in my future film and television projects.
This decision will not affect me participating in or attending any conventions. I love the feedback I get from my fans and look forward to the next time I see you.
All my best, James Marsters."

The PS - "actually, I just saw Fifty Odd Foot of Grunts and suddenly came to my senses" seems to have dropped off.

IT WAS ALL A COMPUTER ERROR. APPARENTLY: That's the reason that's being given for the libraries receiving dozens of copies of the same CD under the terms of the overcharging settlement. You'll recall that the record labels of America were caught overcharging American consumers (even although prices in the US were about half of what they charge us in the UK), and as part of the deal to make things right, they're having to give free CDs to libraries. But a computer error at the company adminstrating the giveaway has created some odd situations:

Among them are the librarians at the Tacoma (Wash.) Public Library, who last week received a shipment of 1,325 CDs that included 57 copies of “Three Mo’ Tenors,” a 2001 recording featuring classically trained African American tenors Roderick Dixon, Thomas Young and Victor Trent Cook; 48 copies of country artist Mark Wills’ 2001 album “Loving Every Minute,” 47 copies of “Corridos de Primera Plana,” a greatest hits compilation by Los Tuscanes de Tijuana (2000); 39 copies of “Yolanda Adams Christmas” (2000); 37 copies of Michael Crawford’s “A Christmas Album” (1999) and 34 copies of the Bee Gees’ “This Is Where I Came In” (2001).
“Not to disparage the artists represented, but I was pretty surprised by the numbers,” said librarian Lara Weigand, noting that the library system normally would stock no more than two copies of the most-popular titles at each of its 10 branches. “I didn’t know what the terms of the settlement were for schools and libraries, but I did not think that it was the intent that we would get more copies than we could use.”

But even if the multiple copies have been a mistake, it doesn't seem that the titles themselves are - is it really in keeping with the spirit of the agreement for the companies to use the opportunity to dump piles of shit, unwanted old toss onto the public library service? It's as if publishers sent round copies of Geri Halliwell's biography, Nasty Nick's book and some old latin primers. Christina Aguilera's Christmas album? Let's give it to the libraries. Entertainment Weekly's Greatest Hits of 1971? That's been taking up space in the warehouse. Des Moines got the most wooden of all the wooden spoons on offer - 430 copies of a CD containing just Whitney Houston singing The Star Spangled Banner. We'd be interested to hear if any library got a record that anyone in their right mind would have considered paying for.

MEGALITHIC CORPORATION NOT BAD, RULES EU: It looks like the competition cheifs at the EU can't think of anything wrong with Sony and BMG merging; it's rumoured that the union will get a go ahead next month.

APPARENTLY, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUS SHORTAGE: The joint Missy Elliot/Kelis tour has been axed because, apparently, there just aren't enough buses to cope with the entourage. Now, it's easy to snort and say "that sounds like a lamo excuse, indeed, they couldn't have made it any more obvious that Missy and Kelis hate each other's shoes and can't stand to be in each other's company if they'd announced the tour had been axed because Kelis had attempted to force Missy's head down the toilet to show her the blue goldfish", but it might just be true, you know: after all, the way the railway has been run so rubbishly for the last couple of years, could there be a bus left in Europe that hasn't been earmarked to provide a rail replacement service?

NOT THAT THEY'RE LETTING IT FADE AWAY, OF COURSE: Warner's commitment to Maverick, the Madonna vanity label they've just thrown her off, has been clearly demonstrated by the announcement that twenty two of the 40 staff should nip down to the Janitors office and ask if he has any big cardboard boxes to put their stuff in. We're imagining the other 18 will be well advised to not get too comfy in their new offices in Warners HQ, either.

"YOU'VE GOT A NICE VOICE BUT TO BE HONEST, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE IN ANY WAY DEVOUT": As the number of Pop Idol clones continues to increase at a lick and a split, Gifted comes to the air this October in the US - like American Idol, only for Christians. The prize will be a management contract and a seat, if not actually at God's left hand for all eternity, quite near him for a little while.

LET'S SAY TOM JONES, "FOR EXAMPLE": Apparently, an un-named star is going round asking insurance companies to take on his chest hair. The company will have to pay out if the star loses more than 85% of his chest hair, apparently, although "if the star was to be left with a bald torso through war, revolution, radioactive contamination or terrorism" there would be no payout. We just bet Osama's* sat in a cave somewhere right now plotting to drag Tom Jones "for example" into a car, drive him to the middle of nowhere and shave off his luxurious chest hair, filming the whole thing to put up on a website.

* - we know he's dead, but we thought we'd offer George W a helping hand.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT: We hope the joy Rod Stewart feels at finally getting a star on the Hollywood walk of fame isn't lessened by sharing the deal with Donald Duck. And, um, Emilio Estefan. The full list of musicians getting the paving slab treatment this time round is: Emilio Estefan, Al Green, Herb Jeffries, Billy Joel, the Righteous Brothers, Carly Simon and Rod Stewart.

GET ORF MOI LAND - THE LAW'S WITH ME: In a total shock, the British judicial system has sided with rich landowners in the battle over Madonna's land. The Planning Inspectorate has decided that only half of Mado... sorry, Esther's land will be open to the public. Still, you might get to have a go on the rest of the property when she's "decided" to donate it to the Kabbalah bloke for him to grow Rolls Royces on.

It's been a mixed day for Mr and Mrs Ritchie, though; Guy's bemusing Swag series for Channel Five has been shooting again. The programme is meant to lay tempting trails for thieves and then catches them when they take up the offer - literally, You've Been Framed - only some brain box on the programme fucked up and managed to leabe the camera equipment vulnerable. Thousands of pounds worth of kit vanished. Oops. The thieves didn't pinch the tapes of the show, for some reason, which suggests they were pretty discerning.

MICHAEL JACKSON ADMITS: THERE HAS BEEN A VIOLATION: _ But of course, it's nothing he's done. Jackson has been moaning about the leaking of the settlement details from that time he hadn't touched the kid, but gave him eight and half million anyway to keep quiet about the whole incident which never happened anyway.

"I respect the obligation of confidentiality imposed on all of the parties to the 1993 proceedings. Yet someone has chosen to violate the confidentiality of those proceedings."

Yes, funny that you'd be especially keen to keep all those details very quiet indeed.

"These kind of attacks and leaks seek to try the case in the press, rather than to a jury who will hear all of the evidence that will show that I did not, and would not, ever, harm a child. I have always maintained my innocence, and vehemently denied that these events ever took place."

But Michael, since you've always maintained there was nothing at all even the least sardine-scented about writing that big cheque out a few years back, why would you be so upset by the details filtering back out now? You tell us you did nothing wrong, and this generous pay-off was little more than an administrative way of tying up a couple of loose ends - so how could it influence the jury?

ROCK'S OWN KOLLEY KIBBER: Remember, if you spot Pete Doherty walking about anywhere, you win a fabulous prize. He's now rumoured to have left Bangkok and is back in Britain, says the nme. We think he might have run out of detox programmes to try.

KID PLUCKS PICKS: For some reason, Kid Rock has had a load of plectrums printed with a message saying how great he is, which he is handing out to people if they want them, or even if they don't. Rock says he got the idea off Steve Martin, who used to hand out business cards to autograph hunters, but seems to have missed the point that when Martin gives someone a card saying "This is to certify Steve Martin is a very nice man", people will think "Ha-ha, the dry commedian has a subtle sense of humour"; whereas if Kid Rock gives you a small piece of plastic with the words "This pick certifies that I have met Kid Rock and found him to be VERY F***ING COOL!" on it, you're going to be more likely to think "conceited prick-pot."

HEY, LENNY, LOOKING GOOD: There's something slightly disturbing about Lenny Kravitz going on about how he's in great shape for forty - it kind of makes him sound like those guys you get in shower rooms in gyms who stand in front of you and invite you to pet their pecs - "I'm forty seven, see, but my coach says I've got the six pack of a ten year old lemur..." We're wondering if all of Lenny's bluster about he's in really good shape, and how age isn't nuttin' but a number, is for our benefit or his. It sounds less like a statement, more like something you'd repeat to yourself over and over again when the pillows have got too tear-soaked to sleep on.

NOT SO IDLE: Hurray! Idlewild are back, and they've written some new songs. They'll be playing new stuff. But they'll be showing them off in LA, which isn't quite so convenient. Unless you live in LA.

THE STUBBING OF THE HIP-HOP FAGS: You'd have to at least admire the way British American Tobacco tries to deny that Kool Mixx, the Hip Hop cigarette, was in any way aimed at children. They've now agreed to pull an advertising campaign that a judge in New York said was using that new dancey music to persuade youngsters that the future lay in tobacco rather than apples and celery. We're not sure a product called 'Kool Mixx' could really be claimed to being aimed at children, though - it has all the funky, trendy air of a home haircut; we only wonder how Kool Mixx made it through the test marketing while Far Out Daddio and Groovy Smokes failed.

THE IRON FIST IN THE VELVET GLOVE: There's a small piece of history been made with Velvet Revolver's number one album - of course, it's not the first time a nation has fallen for a self-proclaimed Supergroup's schtick, but it is the first time a copy protection CD has topped the US charts.

HEY... HE'S A ROCK STAR - LET'S VOTE FOR HIM: According to an early opinion poll, the Australian Laor Party's grooming of Midnight Oil's Peter Garret to stand as a candidate in the Kingsford-Smith constituency in the forthcoming elections could pay off - 39% of respondents said they thought having the bloke who did the vocals on Beds Are Burning would be "a good thing" for Labor. Rumors that the Australian right are trying to get hold of a phone number for the singer from Mental As Anything cannot be confirmed.

DOWN BRING ME DOWN, GRRRRROOOS: The web-watching service at Netcraft is reporting that the RIAA is facing another wipe-out as the MyDoom.F virus orchestrates another DOS attack on the unpopular trade assocation. It's happening on the 17th of each month, and while we'd always stress the importance of ensuring your computer is free of viruses, we're almost prepared to make an exception in the case of this one.

CHRISTINA'S SONGWRITER - CHILDREN MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY AN ADULT: We were surprised to see the apparent grip of fear on the part of the City Learning Centre, Southfields. They've invited Darren Edwards to provide a four week course in music songwriting and mixing for 12 to 16 year olds. Presumably after booking him, they listened to his masterwork, Dirrty, and issued an edict that the children attending would need to be accompanied by an adult.

GIVE ME BACK MY CHART: Ooh, we do love Playlouder - not only is it the home of the excellent singles club, but now they're carrying the Chain With No Name indie chart, the one which - as they point out - used to fuel the Chart Show's indie charts. Ah, a leaping off point to remember when you could still see The Bolshoi on TV at teatime.

MORE TEENS CAUGHT IN THE RIAA WEB: So, it's no surprise that the RIAA has managed to launch an attack on another minor, suing a 17 year old for illegal downloading. And, of course, they say it's not about the money:

"The idea here is not to win lawsuits is not to make money," Jonathan Lamy of the RIAA says. "It's to send a message that there are consequences to this activity...These are not casual downloaders," Lamy says. "The average number of songs on these individuals' hard drives that they are making available or downloading for free is around 800."

We've noticed the subtle shift from prosecuting uploaders to prosecuting any soft enough target they can, and that's what's going on here. But there's another interesting aspect to this case - the kid involved downloaded her music from gropster.com, a site which has a big splashy "100% Legal" button on its front page. Isn't is possible that this girl had been trying to do the right thing, and had heard about the exciting legal download services that the RIAA tell us might be the future of music, and elected to try one out? If the case does go to court, couldn't she have a pretty strong defence if she really did believe that it was a legal service? Wouldn't it make more sense for the RIAA to take on gropster.com than a teenage girl? Or would that be a bit harder for them?