No Rock And Roll Fun

LEMARRRRRRRGH: If there was any justice in the world, the amount of pain and sweat a bright-eyed youngster experiences on their climb to the top would be paid back in full by their success - hard work would, in an A begats B way, bring its own reward. In such a justly-arranged planet, Lemar, having slipped a disc making his new video, would be guaranteed a number one at the very least. He hurt his knee, too? Then a two-week stint at the top would be the bare minimum he could expect.

As it is, the world is a cruel and unforgiving place, so in return for his injury all he gets is a load of catcalls, finger pointing and giggling. I mean, he's no great shakes as a bloody singer so if he can't even do a dance without falling on his arse, what exactly is the point of him? He's little more than Jason Orange in outsized shoes. And it seems he fell down while he was trying to show off in front of some real basketball players, which surely must have ruptured his ego a little as well. Best of all, he had to limp off to hospital wearing half a million quids worth of diamonds, so his hobbling arrival must have looked like some decrepit octagenarian heiress turning up for her check-up. Tosser.