No Rock And Roll Fun

BRITNEY STARTS PREGNANCY RUMOURS. AGAIN: It's been a few days since the last 'ooh, she must be up the duff' story, so Britney has gone down to get a maternity swimsuit, kicking off another round of the 'this time she must be pregnant' mutterings. Or maybe she's just ordered a large number of cream cakes, and is planning how she's going to work them off?

In a recent interview, Britney announced that she's done virtually everything, and so has to have a kid:

I've had a career since I was 16, I have travelled around the world and even kissed Madonna! The only thing I haven't done so far is experience the closest thing to God and that's having a baby. I can't wait!

The closest thing to God is having a baby? We thought it was being the Pope. Surely being split in two as a living thing crawls out of your lower regions as you scream in pain is closer to The Exorcist than God? But leaving the theology aside, we're not sure Britney has totally been honest when it comes to ticking off the 'job done' list. Sure, she's kissed Madonna - so has Warren Beatty - but has she ever rimmed Tony Blair? Has she thrown up in a gumboot? Has she seen the sun rise over the reservoir? We're sure there's lots of things she could be doing instead of getting herself gravid with Federline's baby. Even nunnerying might be more fun, and would have that all-important 'close to God' factor, what with the being married to Jesus and all.