Friday, February 04, 2005

OH, GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS: It's going to take something pretty special for Britain to be able to break the block-vote of New Europe at Eurovision, and we're not sure they've grasped that at EuroHQ. We're going to be choosing our song from Europe from a choice of Andy Scott Lee, Javine, "operatic-style band" Tricolore and... Jordan. No sooner does pop see off Jennifer Ellison than we have to contend with the rubbery vacuum of Katie Price. (We sort of went to the same school as Katie; only it was one boys' school and one girls' that merged after we left). The only thing that stands between us and sending a "model" from the not-even-decent-porn world into battle is the comeback of Gina G. Yep, Gina's going to have another go, because she felt she was "robbed" last time round - something, I suspect, that everyone would agree with.

Trouble is, it's down to the people who call up the BBC programme - so it's liable to either be Jordan or Javine. And Jordan seems to be very, very determined:

"I'm always surprising people, so I don't think there will be any change there, and as I always say 'never underestimate the Pricey.'"

To be frank, since her skills are having breasts and having blonde hair, we can't quite see how you'd be able to underestimate her. Do you really believe that Jordan is going to be able to impress the Dutch, the Swedes, the Germans? Nations who do proper, grown-up erotica? People of Britain, we can't rely on some deluded belief that all we need is a "glamour" model. We need to send Gina G to Kiev.