KELLY OSBOURNE SNAPS

If you thought the coverage of Kylie was a little extragant - she's got breast cancer, she's not actually died - then you might want to recallibrate your medical over-reaction scale with the news that Kelly Osbourne slipped over and broke her finger in Sweden:

A friend said: "Kelly was in a lot of pain and has been told to rest. She was very frightened but experts have reassured her she will be on the go again soon."

Now, we're sure snapping any part of your body does hurt like a chilli douche, but "she was very frightened" - of what, precisely? Does she believe that bones are like dominos and if one snaps it leads to a chain reaction where your skeleton crumbles to dust in a matter of hours? Does she have a crucial need for the broken finger? "I thought I might never be able to text insults again?" And since when did a broken finger require an enormous level of bedrest? Don't they just strap up your finger and send you on your way? "Now, Ms Osbourne, try not to flip anyone off for the next few days, and steer clear of the Yellow Pages as it's too soon to let your fingers do the walking."

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