MAGIC'S MAGIC

Of course, anyone with a plausible face and a photo of themselves as a pretty young thing from the 1980s is going to try and sue Michael Jackson for touching them, whether it happened or not. The latest legal case for Jacko - who seems to be set to die a death of a thousand small suits - comes in Louisiana, Texas, where a chap called Joseph Bartucci claims Jacko lured him into a car and sexually assaulted him. In 1984. Yeah, we know, it sounds more like he's thinking of Kevin Bacon in that movie than Michael Jackson, but even so, they want to hear the case - only nobody from the Jackson case turned up. The 24/7 Jacko Kid Fiddle defence team blame an administrative error - and with so many lawsuits involving Michael, sometimes things are going to fall off the plate, aren't they? - which has left Jackson now looking at a possible contempt of court charge as well.

Brian Oxman - who does the voice of Jackson for the media these days - sighs:

"Michael Jackson has had many such lawsuits and each one has resulted in him being exonerated or the case being dismissed. This is part of the magic and burden of being Michael Jackson."

Eh? "The magic" is having all the world thinking they've got a half-decent chance of convincing a jury that they had Jacko's clammy hands down their boxer shorts at some point in the 1980s? And we thought Ali Bono's magic was crap.

music michael jackson