Thursday, September 01, 2005


Things are getting desperate over in the various Carter households as young Aaron approaches his 18th birthday - his mum has taken to sending an open letter to Aaron warning him that she believes his Dad wants to lock him into contracts before he reaches the age of majority.

She chose the National Enquirer as the medium for this letter, presumably because The Onion might not have been taken seriously enough by her son:

"Dearest Son," she begins, "I have always been truthful with you and will continue to be so. Aaron, I know the private jet rides can be thrilling. What is not a thrill is the day you get the bill for them all when you turn 18!

"Everything that has been spent on your behalf until now will come out of your future earnings — if you're not careful."

Jane, 46, is fighting a legal action from her ex-husband Bob, who is seeking full custody of Aaron and his twin sister Angel. "Don't allow your father full custody," she warns in her letter. "Think about it — why at this point? It's because they all have their eyes on the $4 million trust fund I managed to sock away for you. Kiddo, that is yours! You earned it and you worked hard for it."

Actually, you know, we think finding a bill for ten years' worth of jet rides tucked inside an amusing card with a joke about getting drunk on your 18th.

Cheer up, Aaron...

... there's always porn.