Saturday, January 07, 2006


During an idle flick-about yesterday evening, we happened to catch a small stretch of Celebrity Big Brother, most notably a conversation between Pete Burns and Dennis Rodham where Pete - who's actually coming across a lot more likeable here than he does in real life - describe receiving criticism that was "like someone pouring a bucket of cum over you." Probably the only time in history that such a metaphor could be used and both participants would give the impression they knew exactly what that would feel like.

George Galloway, meanwhile, seems to have abandoned the show in pretty much the same way he's left his constituent and is either spending most of his time asleep or sitting about not saying much, lost in a little daydream. He's much more entertaining on Question Time. Perhaps he can just hear Christopher Hitchens laughing all the way from DC?

Meanwhile, the "just how non-celebrity is the supposed non-celeb" debate continues to rage; Digitalspy suggested she was close to being rumbled as she'd been forgetting what position her non-existent record had got to in the chart - although we doubt if Victoria Beckham would be able to tell you where her solo singles have peaked at, besides (through gritted teeth) "not number one." Oh, and apparently, she's still taking bookings as a Paris Hilton lookalike.

The real former celebs are priceless - Barrymore outraged when Maggot asked him if he wanted to get back into stand-up: "What do you mean 'back'?" It seems he did a tour last year of smaller venues ("that's what you do to test out new material" he explained; oddly, it's also what you do if your career is fucked and you can't fill big venues); Pete Burns last night was telling about how he recorded the greatest work of his career with the Pet Shop Boys, only the single got sidelined when his lips started oozing out puss and he had to take a backseat from his music. And the woman who used to be in Baywatch once everyone you've heard of left trapped poor Dennis in the gym and psychobabbled him like her publicist had told her this was Oprah or something.

Damn, we don't want to be suckered into this.

And, finally: since when was playing up to the cameras outlawed in Big Brother?:

But Channel 4 cut the scenes from last night's highlights programme.

An insider said: "We want people to be themselves. Barrymore's play-acting is just a blatant attempt to hog the limelight and it's not going to make it on to the screen."

Well, except for being on the screen during the never-ending(-ish) E4 coverage. But imagine that - somebody going on Big Brother and showing off. Just fancy.

The first day in the house