Monday, February 27, 2006


This time round, George Michael has been arrested at Hyde Park Corner, after "a Good Samaritan" found his car parked "at a crazy angle" on the crossroads, with Michael apparently semi-conscious inside and called the police.

The police arrived, and, they say, found cannabis and GHB (along with porn and sex toys, which, while very exciting for The Sun aren't actually illegal to carry in the boot of your own or anyone else's car.)

It's all a little odd, but the Sun isn't going to let the littleness of the oddness hold it off. George Michael, it seems to believe, has gone crazy-bonkers:

But the circumstances of his arrest yesterday will fuel fears for his physical and mental health.

"Fuel fears", you'll note, not raise them.

Oh, and it's also certain this will mean ruin for George:

The North London-born star is likely to be cautioned if the substances seized are confirmed as controlled drugs.

That punishment — for which he would have to admit the offence — would be a commercial disaster for the star, who boasts a massive US fanbase.

Anyone entering the United States must declare whether they have a record for drugs.

... and, what, exactly? Michael's career has survived making an unpopular anti-war record at a time when the mainstream US media saw that as beyond treason. Having to say "I have been caught with some dope" as you come through customs is hardly going to make things worse; apart from anything, Michael's always been pretty honest about his use of drugs. Well, of late he has, anyway. Besides, cannabis? It's hardly Pete Doherty, is it?

The Sun decides to focus on the GHB instead:

“Dance drug” GHB — associated with gay nightclubs — is a colourless fluid often used to spike drinks.

Not, of course, that the Sun would actually suggest that George was going round spiking drinks. Oh no no no.

Both The Sun and the Mirror, incidently, have gone with the awful Careless Spliffer as their headline, which isn't even a bad pun.

So, is there a scandal here, or is it an old man overdoing it a bit? Oh, there's a scandal:

George was booked in under his real name Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou. Like anyone else arrested, he had a mugshot taken and had to supply fingerprint samples and a DNA swab taken from his mouth. That will be stored on the National Police database.

Whether he's found guilty of a crime or not, Michael's DNA will be stored forever on the DNA database, "just in case." The same, of course, would be true if Andrew Ridgeley was found stealing fish fingers from Iceland or if anyone else was arrested. Without the need for anyone's consent. Never mind what George Michael might have been planning to do with the dildo in the boot - he's been violated in the police station. Now, what was that repressive American client state he was trying to warn us about again?


Anonymous said...

Did you see those excruciating talking heads during Scoop - the Greatest Tabloid Headlines? They were talking about the toilet arrest and breathlessly recounted how the story had come through from America, and they knew they needed a good headline.

They sat around, riffing, apparently, not coming up with much -- "and then someone just said it - ZIP ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO. Brilliant."

Then loads of other talking heads on the inspired genius of that headline and how it united the nation, or something.

Even that was better than CARELESS SPLIFFER.

Anonymous said...

i've just been scanning the papers for this story and it's amazing how different some of their write-ups are. i'd guessed that he was probably just depressed and having a bit of a bad day, rather than being out of it...simply due to the fact that the police had dropped the driving while unfit charge. but it seems the mirror (of all papers) is the only one to all but confirm this, and therefore take any real hint of danger (and selling-point) out of the story. it's quite sad really, poor guy

Simon said...

In a way, it's good to see there are still people who can convincingly act shocked when a man who's talked at length about his spliff intake in interviews over the last few years can be spotted with hash on his hands.

Anonymous said...

The sooner the tabloids are driven into bankruptcy by more reliable and relevant methods of reporting, the better.

Anonymous said...

I wonder of Robbie will call him up to give him some "friendly advice"


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