HEATHER'S DAD SAYS 'GIVE THE GIRL THE MONEY'

There is, of course, a limit to the number of drawings of vaguely foreign looking blokes sitting on planes with explosions happening on their laps that you can put in a paper, so even today there's space for a little update on the Macca-Mills marriage.

With her former sister-in-law popping up yesterday to accuse her of being... well, everything short of a liquid bomb plot, Heather might be pleased to hear from a relative-by-marriage who's taking her side.

On the other hand, Charles Stapley, her stepdad and Ted in Crossroads may not exactly have helped, by calling for Paul to hand over the money:

Charles, who lives in a one-bedroom flat in a South London council block, said a £200million payout would be "just a percentage" of the 64-year-old ex-Beatle's fortune, which is estimated at £825million.

Well, that's true - although 73p and £825million would also just be percentages of the fortune. We can see Macca being relieved this morning - "I thought she was after a fraction, but a percentage? That I can live with."

music paul mccartney heather mills