Van Halen: There is a cure for cancer

He might never have found an answer to the David Lee Roth problem, but Eddie Van Halen has, apparently, solved the big one: He's got a cure for cancer.

He seemed reluctant to go into details, but insisted that he'd cured his own cancer with the treatment.

Ellie Maggins, who manages the Cancer Research Shop on the High Street on Wednesdays and Thursdays, was pleased to hear the news, although she did admit that Van Halen's cancer cure did leave her with a problem in the shape of a shop full of second hand shoes and Bert Kampfert records she'd been intending to sell to help fund a search for the cure. "I suppose we could try and do that skin-falling off disease instead" she said, "or maybe drug addicts instead?"

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