Friday, March 16, 2007

Thank God (and everyone else in between)

Joss Stone's bid to turn herself into an American soul diva continues apace. Having noticed that their albums generally contain long, rambling thank you lists - always namechecking god - Joss has turned in a thanks list so long, rambling and embarrassing she couldn't fit it on the album liner and has had to post it online instead:

making this album has been a true growing experience for me in so many ways. in the last 4, almost 5 years, i had no choice but to grow maybe 20 years in that time. so it’s been hard work, tiring and emotionally....interesting. for some reason, i've always known that everything’s gonna be ok, no matter what happens i'm always gonna be...ok. that's my faith that keeps me there, so i do with all my heart and love, my whole everything, i thank god, whether it be a he or she i won't know til i get there but whatever it is, no matter what, i thank god so much for putting me through everything i have had to endure. i also thank him for giving me the common sense to listen and learn.

it’s been a pretty intensive course but i know all that is only is because it was meant. also i thank him for keeping me company and hearing me when i speak. what will be will be. many people are uncomfortable with this sentence. some don't like to think they’re not in control of their own fate. i believe in karma. everything comes back around, but it isn't up to any of us to decide when or what shall happen. that’s just fate. we can only be positive and know that there's always a smile lurking. u just have to catch it. Mostly, i thank him / her for giving us all the gift of being able to hear and see art. it's a beautiful thing. so thank u love!

Did she just call God "love"?

But she's just getting going... she then rolls onto thank everyone she's ever met. (Everyone else, as she does appear to have met God in some form as well.) On she goes:
wanna say a special thanks to everyone who helped me when my management disappeared without trace. i didn’t know what to do -- kinda made it up as i went along as u do but certain people really helped me so much. i was upset and mostly pretty scared about the whole thing. didn’t know what the hell i was doing. but hey, i figured it out with all of your help

We suspect the old management are probably hiding in the woods somewhere.

Most oddly, though, is when she turns her attention to the record label execs:
david munns, thanks for believing in me and sticking with me through all the crap. i’m sorry if i can be a pain sometimes or well, my situation can be, but u always help me figure it out. i appreciate that so much. thank u thank u thank u. you were definitely there when i needed you most. i know u are a busy busy man but for some reason u make the time for me. i don’t know why but i won’t question it. i just thank god for it. you’re wicked. i love how u have always treated me like an equal, even when i was 14. i was scared then but now realise u were just speaking to me straight and i love that in you. you are a real person. “no bullsh** allowed” should be stuck on your office door. i like that you’re honest and i can believe what you say. i like that you have my back in any situation. thank you for believing in me enough to give me the chance to make this record. u had no obligation to do so. thank u for having that trust in me.

alain levy, i just think you’re so lovely every time in see you. you are so sweet and always smiling, i get a positive energy from you. i’m so glad you like my music. to work with both you and david is an honour and actually if i go back like 5 years it’s something i’ve dreamt about and wished for. thank u for having me at your company. i will do the best i can for you. that’s a promise. i’m so glad u like the album and support it in the way u do. i love how you are passionate. alot of people look at you guys and see businessmen and that’s it. well maybe some are like that – ok, definitely some are but not you two. i can’t put my finger on it but, i know u care, more than care. as much as people think it’s all about the money i know that it isn’t just that with you. i hoping i’m right -- usually i can tell with these things. but i know everything happens for a reason. we are all in this together because that is what was meant. now let’s make the most out of what we're given and spread real music across the world. with your help, we can make real music with real musicians and real instruments popular again. no more bullshit! right. thanks for supporting me on that too. much love x

The BBC calculates that the list runs to seven pages of closely-typed text; putting it online means that at least it saves space. It could also allow you to remove awkward passages like, for example, lavishing praise for developing your career two months after he'd been sacked for helping run the company into the ground. In theory.