Lemar: Forget 'talent show loser', think 'Peter Stringfellow on a budget'

Oh, Lemar, why don't you just buy a magazine if you're that desperate, lad?:

"I'm thinking of putting poles either side of the stage and having girls from the audience dance for me.

"It would be a good way to catch my breath between songs - I'd need lots of water though."

If you really have decided that your music is so weak it's going to need busty-dancing to keep the audience's attention, couldn't you at least pay someone to do it? Or is this meant to be like user generated-content for the live arena?