Wiv a ladder and some glasses, you could see to 'Ackney Marshes, if it wasn't for the hipsters on the scene

Yes, yes, Jack, we get it: you're so into London it's not true. With the cockneys and their sparrows, the barrow boys, the red-top buses and the large piles of discarded free newspapers and all.

In his latest bid to cement his cockernee credentials, or possibly to just get a walk on in EastEnders, the White Stripes played a gig for Chelsea Pensioners last night. The pensioners were as polite as only those who have had a lifetime of service can be:

One Chelsea pensioner said: "I thought it was excellent. It's not my scene really because it's a different type of music altogether but I thought they were very very good."

Another admitted: "It was nice but I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to them."

The band later played a gig to raise funds for the Royal Chelsea Hospital revamp, which had a younger, more famous audience.