Saturday, June 07, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Attacking the monarchy

Great excitement over at Bizarre this morning, with Gordon having a pop at Beatrice, daughter of the parasite and the scrounger ( © Socialist Worker 1986). While Smart might not have quite raised himself to such Republican levels as that, he isn't going to bend the knee before royalty:

IT’S not often you’ll hear me giving the clipboard-wielding idiots who stand at the front doors of nightclubs a pat on the back.

But for the first time I am saluting this vile species for dishing out a regal snub to spoiled royal PRINCESS BEATRICE.

God, these are confusing times, aren't they? On one side, The Sun and some bouncers; on the other, a minor member of the royal family. How would you choose who to side with?

Luckily, nobody comes out of it looking good. Gordon launches into some lazy royal-bashing (is Beatrice really "spoiled" or just privileged? And Smart calls her "ruddy-faced" which would be rude even if it was true.)

On the other hand, Beatrice herself - allegedly - did pull the gold-plated equivalent of 'don't you know who I am's?:
She declared: “Don’t you know who I am? Do you know I’m royalty?”

Oddly, though, while Smart acknowledges she's doing a job of a work right now, he's haughty about that:
Beatrice has had her first taste of the big wide world this summer, working as a personal shopper in Selfridges.

It’s hardly shovelling peas in a factory or waiting tables for £3-an-hour.

Yes, but it's the same job that your paper was suggesting somehow was beneath her the other day (working as "SHOP ASSISTANT", screeched the standfirst.) And Gordon then trips over himself by pointing out that "wages are no problem for Bea-list though." So, she doesn't need the money, but is working anyway. Gordon, you cant simulataneously decry someone for laying about doing nothing and doing a job that isn't hard enough, can you?

The other funny thing is Gordon's fuming when faced with someone who has inherited their position and wealth only finds an outlet for Bea. Paris Hilton, Peaches Geldof - and, we'd guess, James Murdoch - tend not to get a rough ride for making the most of the accidents of their birth. Funny that.

Meanwhile, Gordon is worried about Madonna, and how much flesh she shows:
I TUNED in to Channel 4 to see MADONNA’s new video on Thursday night.

And for the first time I felt a bit guilty watching a 49-year-old woman prancing around in her undercrackers.

We're assuming he's just written this badly, and didn't actually mean to give the impression that he frequently watches women just this side of fifty jumping about in their knickers, although we can't be sure of that.

Clearly, Madonna must have aged quite a bit in the last month, at the start of May, Gordon had no problems with it at all:
Madonna wows with sexy show

Or perhaps he felt dirty then, too, and just didn't want to mention it.

UPDATE: And, lest we forget, back in April, for the last Madonna video, Gordon was so priapic he could have been typing with his manhood:
POP royalty MADONNA has proved she’s still the Queen when it comes to getting tongues wagging.

Here are stills from the video for new single 4 Minutes, where Her Madgesty sports slinky knee-high leather boots for a series of raunchy dance routines with JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.

In the vid, Madonna strips down to her bra and canoodles with Justin in the back of a car.

But of course, she wasn't quite so old two months ago.


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