Gordon in the morning: Barry Norman makes his own pickled onions

Now, it could be that Guy Ritchie's new film RocknRolla is a brilliant movie. But the decision to give first sight to the soft-landing of the easily-impressed Gordon Smart doesn't bode well.

Of course, Smart - delighted to have been asked to see it - gives it a great big gush:

GUY RITCHIE’s brilliant new gangster movie RocknRolla is about to hit our cinemas.

And on Friday night I had the pleasure of being one of the first to see it.

I spent the evening in the company of a millionaire Russian, some Cockney gangsters, a sexy, corrupt accountant, a charming Scottish thug and some junkies.

No, no - not the Showbiz Squad. In the movie, you see.

If that wasn’t enough for a decent night out, Guy had a beer with me to toast his latest movie.

Why, you might wonder, that odd construction of the sentence of "to toast his latest movie"? Simply to stack up the headline:

Rolla toaster

Gordon attempts to explain what he's so excited about. Not hanging out with the man who sometimes has sex with Madonna, oh no. It's the film:

Russians buying up top London property with their deep pockets is Guy’s latest interest.

A serious worry for Guy - if the Russians start buying up property, what will be left for his wife to hoover up?

One of the best things is that the film has a To Be Continued ending, so a cast of criminals are ready to be unleashed again.

Apparently Guy has "sketched out" plans for a pair of sequels - which sounds more detailed than the finished plot of Snatch.

Elsewhere, it's almost as if Smart has started parodying himself. Yesterday, you'll recall, he was praising Noel Gallagher for enjoying a takeaway. Today, he's having a go at Kanye West for appearing to have enjoyed a takeaway:

KANYE WEST is opening a chain of burger joints in Chicago and, judging by this snap of the rapper in Hawaii, he’s been testing the menu.

The long-lens, utterly pointless snap, barely shows a belly at all. I suppose the kindest thing you can say is that it's equitable of Gordon to pay as much attention to half-naked men as he does to half-naked women:

His rap rival 50 CENT goes out of his way to show off his six-pack. This’ll be why Kanye doesn’t.

Or perhaps a little more attention.