Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Gordon hearts Oasis

So, Noel Gallagher is back on his feet, Oasis are back in the country, and Gordon Smart is in his very heaven:

IN the words of LIAM GALLAGHER: “Fuck the credit crunch”.

You might think that it's slightly easier for a multimillionaire to take such a blasé attitude to global financial meltdown than, say, someone struggling to keep a roof over their head or looking at their job being wiped out, but to be fair: you're not going to look to Oasis to show any understanding of the world we live in. Or anything that's happened since 1973.

Hilariously, the band were introduced by Ricky Hatton, in what appears to be an attempt to try and make everyone forget that the band are more like Weebles than the lads they used to be. Hatton growled, much to Gordon's delight:
The boxer bowled up before the set and said: “It’s an honour for me to introduce these boys on stage.

“They are the best band in Britain, the biggest band in the world and I’m proud to call them friends.

“And you can forget trying to come on stage, like in Canada, or you’ll have me to fucking deal with.”

Biggest band in the world? Really? Bigger than Radiohead, Coldplay, The Jonas Brothers, The Pussycat Dolls or String Cheese Incident? Blimey, getting your head punched for a living has a clear effect on your judgment, doesn't it?

Gordon, though, is clearly thrilled at having a chat with a man whose professional life involves taking his shirt off and getting sweaty with another bloke.

Still, let's just let Gordon enjoy the gig, and not go looking for homoerotic overtones, shall we?
Noel broke his ribs when he was pushed off the stage by a nutter at a festival in Toronto last month.

And Liam, using a barrage of expletives, told how he’d love to get hold of the idiot, cut his manhood off and eat it.

"You have challenged and beaten my leader. I'm going to eat your cock. As, you know, a punishment."

So, how did Robbie William's former drummer fit in?
It was like watching THE WHO’s KEITH MOON.

Gordon, naturally, saw Keith Moon drum many times, until Moon's life was cut cruelly short two years before Smart was born.

Still, in the interests of balance, Smart isn't going to end to some sort of fanzinesque complete overstatement, is it?
Ten out of ten doesn’t do it justice.



Anonymous said...

“And you can forget trying to come on stage, like in Canada, or you’ll have me to fucking deal with.”

Using boxers as a kind of celebrity crowd control - Genius. I hear John McCain's already stepped up security at his next rally by hiring two men with handlebar moustaches and tiger-skin leotards, who'll introduce him onstage whilst lifting large black dumbells marked '50lbs'.

mariam said...

Liam's threats ring a bit hollow...certainly the vengeance window elapsed without any action on his part? It's like watching one of those fights on a sports field, where someone gets mad, stares menacingly at whoever wronged him and yells at his teammates "hold me back! you better hold me back!".

Anonymous said...

To be fair though Mary, I think Liam was just showing good manners. I'm no expert in the etiquette of severed-penis consumption, but I know it's not polite to simply rush in without at least buying the owner dinner first. Watching the footage, it may simply appear that Liam ran away from the attacker before waving an impotent fist once he was sure Security had hold of him. However, on closer inspection it's clear that Liam's actually asking whether the attacker has any restaurant preferences, and whether he'd have any objection to a new Lebanese/Thai fusion place that's just opened in town.

mariam said...

So I was reading Oh No They Didn't, and there was a post on Liam's harsh words, except the way he was quoted was that he wanted to cut off said attacker's manhood and force the attacker to eat it himself. I suppose that makes more...sense. That Liam was misquoted about how he wants to eat someone's penis by Gordon is truly truly hilarious to me and my inner 12 year old.

Anonymous said...

Arf! All I can think of now is Larry David's line about the erotic cake in Curb Your Enthusiasm.
"Where've you been?"
"Just eating some penis"

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