Saturday, December 13, 2008

Sony BMG help with your Christmas shopping

Sony BMG (nobody seems to have told them they're not called that any more) sent out an email yesterday with "suggestions" for Christmas gifts. It's an interesting insight into how record companies' minds work.

First up, do you need something for the woman in your life? A partner, perhaps, a wife, or a lover? Well, if there's one thing Sony BMG know about women, apparently, it's that they have rubbish taste:

Sony BMG don't, for a moment, entertain the possibility that the woman with whom you share your home, your life, your most intimate moments, might not actually be dead inside. Let's be lucky they're not helping us choose Christmas dinner, too, otherwise it'd down to some sort of liquidised mush or perhaps a big cup of Complan.

Still, that's Mum out the way. What about the rest of the family? Given that you're shacked up with a woman who would accept an Il Divo record without a murmur of objection, you might be feeling like the best of your life has passed. But, hey, you're still young, you're still down with the kids, right? Rather than give your daughter something she'd actually want, why not take the opportunity of the gifting season to try and show her that Daddy still knows what's groovy. Sony BMG can help:

Picture Christmas morning: "Hey, Dad, I thought you were past it, but by buying me a Dido album, you show you're still vaguely aware what the squarer fifteen year-olds were listening to at the end of the last century."

Seriously: getting advice from Sony BMG about what's "in touch"? Isn't that like reading the Daily Mail for tips on charity?

Your daughter, then, can be used to hold off the mid-life crisis at least until fancying Sheridan Smith on the Jonathan Creek special makes you feel a little dirty. But what about your son? What can you get him?

Let's face it, he's just waiting for you to die so he can be the man of the house, so why put any effort into it?

Yeah, buy him one of those records that has topped everybody's best of lists. That's the way to go. After all, since everyone has heard them, loved them, and bought them already, what could possibly go... hmm. Better keep the receipt.

Of course, there may be some people who feel that Sony BMG knows their family better than they do, and if you do read the suggestions and find yourself thinking that, perhaps the most magical gift you could give this year would be some of yourself?