Monday, January 05, 2009

Gordon in the morning: A new year of Gordons

Given how Gordon Smart had drilled Bizarre and his minions to try and split up Cheryl and Ashley Cole, it's something of a surprise to power up the Sun's website to discover an "exclusive":

Cheryl tells how she is putting husband's cheating behind her

Why would Cheryl share this with Gordon?

The story itself answers that quite simply. She hasn't.

Not only is the piece written by Richard White ("showbiz reporter") but it's not an interview with The Sun at all - it's something White's read in Vogue:
Cheryl, covergirl on February’s edition of Vogue, told the mag how Ashley regularly double-books nights out when he attempts to treat his missus of 2 1/2 years.

How on earth do you claim an exclusive on something from another magazine? Even if the team at Vogue - and it's UK Vogue, not the proper one, as you can tell from Cheryl Cole being on the cover - shared their story only with The Sun prior to publication, it's still not an exclusive because it's appearing in two places.

So, what's Gordon himself up to when his column is full of stuff Xeroxed from other parts of the newsagents?
I PREDICT this will be the year of JAMES CORDEN.

What's especially odd about this - besides it being something that has been obvious for about nine months and is about as close to risky soothsaying as saying "I predict next year will be called 2010 and have an April 24th in it" - is that Smart says this like it's a good thing.
In 2008 I made James a Bizarre Clown Prince alongside Mat, Russ and Mighty Boosh pair NOEL FIELDING and JULIAN BARRATT.

Now James looks ready for his coronation.

Russ is, of course, Russell Brand - you might remember Gordon's boss writing about him in an editorial last year, and his:
obscene bullying of Andrew Sachs

Or, indeed the:
Brand-Ross filth

I'm sure James Corden will be delighted at being thought of as being 2008's Russell Brand by the Sun, then, if that's what being a Bizarre Clown Prince does for you.

Still, let's just enjoy for the moment Gordon's increasingly strange world, where his entirely made-up system of Bizarre honours is starting to require a Debretts of its very own. I wonder if the guy who does Big Brother's Big Mouth with James Corden is a Bizarre Clown Earl or something? Or is that title reserved only for the eldest son of a Bizarre Clown Baronet?