Thursday, June 25, 2009

Gordon in the morning: Say it with Winehouse

Something of an open goal for Gordon this morning, as EMI announce plans for Amy Winehouse branded greetings cards and accessories.

Gordon has, naturally, had his team mock-up how one of these cards might look - which is rubbish - but his "source" is actually quite amusing:

A source said: “The bosses at EMI are keen to keep the cash cow churning out the readies.

“The first item in the Winehouse range will be wrapping paper with the chorus of Rehab emblazoned all over it.

“The Amy-branded cards are classy too. You Know I’m No Good is best for heartfelt apologies and Back To Black, with an appropriate wreath, will be the respectful response to a bereavement.”

If only it wasn't a source, you might be applauding Smart for having written something funny. But Gordon would never put his own words in the mouth of a non-existent source, would he? That would be pretty poor journalistic practice.

Thing is, the genuine quote is even more hilarious:
Jonathan Channon, EMI Music Publishing Europe vice president, said: “We are looking to create innovative revenue streams from our songs with mainstream retailers and the Amy wrapping paper and gift cards received a very positive response. These are songs which already have a great resonance with the public.”

Ah, yes, EMI - the songs have a great resonance with the public. They mean something to the people who cherish those songs. Let's see if we can chisel a few more murky quid out of people by ignoring that resonance and putting them on a sheet of giftwrap to go round a bottle of wine.

Elsewhere, a long-lens snap of Daniel Craig with a hood on prompts a comparison with Emperor Palpatine:
The Emperor famously told Luke Skywalker: “Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side.”

Dan would say: “The name’s Palpatine, Emperor Palpatine” . . then shoot him.

Bizarre is being guest-edited by Alan Partridge.