Griffin done... David Cameron

Oh, lord help us. Zoe Griffin has gone all political on us:

I don’t write that much about politcs, but I am shocked by the Mirror’s front page ’scandal’ of David Cameron holding a glass of Champagne at the Conservative party conference in Manchester.

You mean after all the briefings in advance of the conference have been stressing how the Tories aren't at all triumphant and won't be seen guzzling champers while cutting public spending and grabbing money back from benefits?

You don't think it's a strong visual metaphor which deftly deflates George Osbourne's claims that "we're all in this together"?

Ok, the photo was taken on the day that Tory chancellor George Osborne announced economic policy, but was there nothing else happening in the world that merited front page news?

Yes, couldn't the Mirror have picked up on one of the other stories you carry, Zoe, like a free dress you got or one of Girls Aloud having their photo taken?

Firstly, Cameron was photographed at The Spectator magazine party. That is a magazine whose tagline is ‘Champagne for the brain’. The magazine publishers bought the Champagne and handed it to Cameron - he didn’t pay for it himself. And is he drinking it? No! He’s holding it!

Ah, yes. It's better if he guzzles someone else's champagne, because that makes it alright. Obviously, if you receive benefits without working, that's bad, but champagne is fine.

And he's only holding it. How do we even know he's going to drink it? He could be about to stride to the sinks and pour the stuff away. Or he might be about to give it to a homeless person on a bicycle.

Secondly, the alleged scandal comes from the fact that George Osborne announced plans to bring in a one year pay freeze for public sector workers. However, what they also need to point out is people earning under £18K will be exempt from the ban. Plus there will be direct cuts to ministers’ pay.

Given that most of the Tory front bench have already amassed fortunes, they can afford the odd cut in their own wages. And it's not just public sector workers who are having their money reduced in real terms by Osbourne's plans - what about the people on incapacity benefit who are going to be forced back onto JSA, losing twenty five quid a week?

Thirdly, when you really look at Osborne’s speech he didn’t actually spell out HOW he would get the economic deficit under control. If The Mirror wanted to have a go at anyone, they should have directly challenged Osborne.

Well, perhaps they should. But given how dumb the tabloids have got - in part because they've employed slews of simpering idiots to write about Lily Allen's hemlines instead of investing in their political coverage - a front page of detailed economic analysis isn't going to play well, is it? One with words on?

FINALLY, I like a leader who enjoys the finer things in life like Champagne. Why drink beer when you can have Champagne?

Because the theme of the conference is meant to be avoiding looking triumphant and pretending that we're all going to have difficult times ahead.

Tip Of The Day: Don’t criticise unless you have all the facts!

Perhaps Zoe is being satirical.