Stuck On Repeat 2009: October

Are The Libertines reforming? Pete Doherty says yes; Carl Barat says no. A-Ha announced plans to decommission themselves, albeit slower than a nuclear power station. Slightly-less-than-super supergroup Them Crooked Vultures told paying customers not to take photos. After the new U2 album sold poorly, Bono pointed the finger of blame - at their audience.

Believing The Guardian had slurred his reputation for professionalism, Liam Gallagher instructed Carter-Ruck to start proceedings. Yes, the guys who tried to make it illegal to report parliamentary questions. Ian McCulloch insisted that Lauren Laverne had no right to present a show about culture. (He's obviously got influence; she's been replaced by Andrew Graham-Dixon for the next series.)

D:Ream tired of waiting things to get better and shifted support away from the Labour Party. To be fair, Labour had dumped their tune first. No royalties, no loyalty. Glen Beck said that Muse had asked him to stop praising them, but - like everything else that Beck honks out - it had no truth to it.

MI5 suggested that cracking down on filesharers might just make it harder for security services to snoop on internet communications, so it's not all bad. PRS was told it had been overcharging for years. Edwyn Collins was prevented from sharing his own music by MySpace. Morrissey collapsed on stage and was rushed to a Swindon hospital.

The Mirror managed to leave Waterstones minutes before someone hit Leona Lewis. The Daily Mail discovered Noel Edmond's Blobbyland had been abandoned, upsetting any child who happened to have not grown since 1992. Before it returned to kicking the corpse of Stephen Gately. The Mail's Jan Moir managed to come across as more homophobic than Buju Banton.