Monday, April 05, 2010

How is EMI's panic going?

EMI's suicide-to-save-self plan to give its American records business away to a rival, in return for enough cash to stop the bank taking it over isn't going well. Variety reports that Universal didn't offer the sort of cash EMI needs, and a sniff from Sony failed to turn into any formal talks.

Which is probably just as well, saving them the horror of this conversation:

Guy Hands: Here, Mr Bank Manager, here's the latest part of the loan payback
Bank manager: Thank you. How did you fund this?
Guy Hands: Well, I sold off the rights to the entire US catalogue business for five years
Bank manager: Right. Um... you know that business was part of the figures we used when we decided if we'd let you have a loan to buy EMI, don't you?
Guy Hands: Uh... I guess?
Bank manager: And the income from the US catalogue business was part of how we expected you to be able to pay back the loan?
Guy Hands: I... um, I suppose...
Bank manager: And now you don't have that income.
Guy Hands: Oh! But... um...
Bank manager: So it's unlikely you'll be able to pay the loan back next time.
Guy Hands: Well... uh, now you put it like that...
Bank manager: I think you're a bad risk. I'll get Mrs Lewinsky from credit to start calling in the balance on your loan. Good day, Mr. Hand.
Guy Hands: But... I got a kidney! I could sell a kidney...