Gordon in the morning: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

Joey Barton is trying to reunite The Smiths. He's a big Smiths fan.

Obviously, both those sentences can't be true.

Gordon reckons Barton is working on an attempt to piss on yet another memory:

[T]he QPR skipper has been working on the musical equivalent of the Middle East peace plan.

Now The Stone Roses have patched up their differences, Joey has taken it upon himself to reunite one of Manchester's other legendary bands, The Smiths.

This is akin to the drummer from Cud popping up trying to insist that Jimmy Case is added back into the Liverpool team for this Saturday.

"If I could get The Smiths back together that would top anything I could achieve on the football pitch."

It turns out that he's not actually "working" on it, just has met Morrissey and Marr. Separately.

They haven't played together for nearly 25 years but Barton thinks the ice is thawing. He added: "They told me they had turned down £40million for a reunion — but I reckon Marr is up for it."

That's not actually thawing, is it? That's just suggesting that Marr might bite if the money was good enough. Nor is it "bringing them together", it's just asking if they have.

It's unclear if Barton or Smart are even aware that the Smiths weren't a duo, and that two very vital parts of an actual reunion took Morrissey to court after he claimed they weren't actually vital parts of The Smiths. And their names might be harder to get on any reunion document. To be fair to Barton, though, he seems merely to be saying "it'd be nice if they got back together" rather than having a flipchart with a plan on it.