Gordon in the morning: You are a Gary

Pity poor Gordon Smart - at least for a moment. One Direction are much in demand, and would be like Google supermagnets right now. But they're dull. So there's barely anything to say about them.

In fact, this one story he's managed to scrabble out more-or-less underscores how dull they actually are:

ONE DIRECTION singer Liam Payne has been nicknamed Gary by his bandmates.

Not Moon. Not Lemmy. No, he's been nicknamed Gary. After Barlow:

Niall Horan said: "Liam has that Barlow aura. He says things like 'Come on boys, let's roll. Let's get going.' He knows it and can't deny it."

Personally, it looks like all the band have a Barlow aura. Ken, rather than Gary, but even Gary isn't much better.

Perhaps in time Liam will get a more racy nickname - Chief Accountant, maybe. Or Hugh Gaitskell.