Santorum is our man, apparently

I'm something of a fan of terrible political tunes, and the more terrible both they and the subject are, the better.

Which is why it's a delight to discover this:


Believe it or not, this song is actually up for purchase on iTunes. The band are called First Love; the track is called Game On (Song For Rick Santorum) which would be enough on its own.

The guy batting at the bongo drums is clearly so far detached from reality he probably thinks he's on a Girls Gone Wild video, which gives him an excuse. The others seem to be deadly serious.

Let's take a look at their lyrics, shall we?

GAME ON! Join the Fight
We've finally got a Man who will Stand for what is Right

Do you see what they did there?

GAME ON! Victory's in Sight
We've got a Man who Understands that God Gave the Bill of Rights

Er... actually, I think you'll find people gave you the bill of rights; God was the Ten Commandments and the thing about not eating shellfish.

Come on, all join in the chorus:

Oh, there is Hope for our Nation again

Their capitalisation is really annoying, isn't it?

Maybe the First time Since we Had Ronald Reagan

I don't think anyone in the video is old enough to remember Reagan, but the implication from Republicans that both Bushes were hopeless is, at least, refreshing.

There will be Justice for the Unborn

The concept of 'justice for the unborn' always makes me think of that sequence in The Handmaids' Tale where Offred is talking about the lynching of doctors. Perhaps it's just First Love couldn't make 'a concerted roll-back of hard-won abortion rights as Santorum suddenly abandons his belief in small government and light-touch regulation to rigourously control what women can and can't do with their own uteruses' scan. 'Uteruses' is a very difficult word to find a rhyme for.

Factories back on our Shores

In other words, Santorum will repeal environmental legislation to a point where the beaches in Maine are covered with manufacturing units.

Where the Constitution rules our land

A fundamental misunderstanding of what a Constitution does, there.

Yes, I Believe... Rick Santorum is our Man!

Personally, I'm struggling to believe that Rick Santorum is a man, rather than a kind of clean-shaven, stop-motion version of that bloke off the Monopoly box.

Second verse time:

GAME ON! He's got the Plan
To Lower Taxes, Raise Morale, To Put the Power in our Hands

Actually, according to Gallup polling, the more likely it looks Obama will remain president, the more confident people seem to be in the future of America's economy. Perhaps you'd choose to measure 'raising morale' in other ways - I guess with all those tax cuts and the required cuts and furloughs in public services that implies, you're picturing a lot of people having nothing to do but go out and enjoy the sunshine, right?

GAME ON! Change is at hand
Faithful to his Wife and Seven Kids - He'll be Loyal to our land

"Because, right, clearly if he's at home impregnating his wife so often, he can't have had time to stray, right? And it follows that if he's not, as far as we can tell from the number of children he has, boffing a stripper in Vegas, we can be sure that as President he won't accept a cash deal from Belarus to go and work for them part time, or something."

Here comes a middle eight:

Oh It's crazy, What's been slipping through our hands
When we the People are still supposed to rule this Land
Rick Understands

So, hang about a moment: the sort-of-democratic process of selecting a candidate to represent the Republicans is showing that the people really aren't keen on Rick. This is an expression of what the people want. But when they say that, they're being crazy, and should be ignored, because if you select Santorum, he'll make sure the people have the power to have their voices heard. (Unless, er, they're saying they don't want Santorum, when they shouldn't be trusted. Because then, the people are being crazy.) Is that clear?