Monday, October 22, 2012

Lady GaGa follows Madonna into the bottled water industry

Of course Lady GaGa is going to start squeezing her fans dry by flogging water to them.

Madonna, you'll recall, was part of the scam flogging supposed magicky-god-flavoured Kabbalah water. At least GaGa is only going to be making made-up science claims:

[New York Daily News] Confidenti@l has learned the pop superstar is on the verge of launching a “healthy drinking water brand” that will be floated out through a multimillion-dollar global advertising campaign.
Thank God GaGa will spare us from all that unhealthy water sloshing around the shop shelves - brands like Evian Crawling With Staphylococci, Perrier Avec Matière Fécale and Tesco Everyday Value Sparkling Toilet Water.

The NY Daily News tries to link the launch of Expensive Water with that stupidity a few weeks back when people started to suggest that Lady GaGa had "gotten a bit chunky" or whatever it was supposed to be:
"Gaga has been at the center of a lot of attention over her weight increase,” a spy tells us. “Losing her weight in such a short time and launching a healthy water drink may be part of a plan.”
Given that launching a international FMCG brand like a water isn't something you can do on a whim, that would imply that GaGa's "fat" period was actually part of the plan.

But why would you launch water if you were engineering a "look, I've been on a crash diet" marketing scheme? Wouldn't some sort of, you know, diet product?

More importantly, if you were going to try and sell water at a massive mark-up by being fat and then losing weight suddenly, wouldn't you have actually had to have put on some weight visible to anyone other than the succubus who writes the Daily Mail website?

You'd have to suspect that there's no connection to the non-story of GaGa putting on weight; like everything else she's done for the last couple of years, there's only one sort of pound that motivates her.