Gordon in the morning: Slim majority

Tomorrow, Fatboy Slim is, for the Last Night A DJ Saved My Life charity, playing a DJ set in the Houses Of Parliament. Gordon has scratched his head to think of something to say about this:

It’s just as well Fatboy – real name NORMAN COOK – is off the sauce these days. He’d have do ne some serious damage to the Government’s booze supplies back in the day.

What? "Yeah, if it had been a few years back he'd have drunk some of the alcohol". Righto.

"It's fortunate he doesn't have an insatiable desire to consume potato products, which would mean he'd have depleted the government supply of crisps."

"It's lucky he's not made entirely out of blood plasma, as he'd have made a terrible stain on the government carpet if he'd leaked."

The really frustrating thing is that Parliament isn't the government, and Cook is playing at the former, not the latter. So even if he had been unable to control a desire to smash plates, it would be Parliament's crockery that took a hit. Not the government's.