Heather finds a niche

Whoever would have thought? Heather Mills' vegan restaurant is doing kind of alright. Although it's not just the meat that had been removed, according to the Evening Argus:

Diary-free, eh? That's great news, as I can't stand dates.

The precise measure of success, though, seems a bit shady:

And it seems the former model’s new venture is changing many people’s attitudes towards vegan food, as between 700 and 1,000 vegan products are sold at the venue every day.

I've not, I think, heard of a restaurant hail the number of items it sells rather than covers served, money taken or profit made. The sense this is a bit of a rewritten press-release doesn't let up further in to the article:

The cafe’s cakes, which are transported around on a travelator similar to that found in sushi bars, are also proving to be a popular treat for those with a sweet tooth. About 1,000 are being sold every week.

A travelator? You mean a conveyor belt, surely? A conveyor belt similar to that in every supermarket in the country?

The cafe’s website has also been popular, with more than 3,000 hits on VBites’ opening day.

Hmm. This is starting to sound a little desperate now. What next?

"The window of the restuarant has been a hit, too. On opening day alone, there were seventeen and a half eyes peeking through the windows in every half-hour period."

Peter Andre considers buying a house

It's based on tabloid stories, so might have no truth in it whatsoever, but Peter Andre is apparently considering buying a house worth nearly two million quid.

To be fair, some of that money he did make through his music 'career' - almost three of the bricks were covered by royalties.

Heather didn't go with the Mills Of God, then

Heather Mills' latest bid to reinvent herself is to turn herself into a kind of cruelty-free Colonel Sanders. She's opening a vegan restaurant in Hove, which she believes will be franchised out around the world:

The Argus can exclusively reveal that Ms Mills’ latest venture called V-Bites will open at Hove Lagoon in July.

V Bites? Maybe you should register plans for a juice bar chain called H Sucks while you're at it.

The idea - a vegan food chain - isn't a bad one in itself, although the lack of a successful vegetarian chain, despite there being more vegetarians than vegans, suggests the business planning might have been a bit weak. And Heather doesn't seem sure what sort of place it is:

“It has been made into a very hip 21st century place.”

So it's a hip, high-end place? Sounds expensive.

Ms Mills said the menu will be affordable and visitors to the nearby park will also be able to buy vegan burgers from a serving hatch.

It's a hip, high-end place with a cheap burger hatch?

Ms Mills said that each room would have a different feel to it, with one turned into a family creche area where children can play with interactive screens which will teach them about different fruits and vegetables and a dining area which will serve a daily selection of vegan dishes from around the world.

"Mummy! Mummy! Can we go to the restaurant where we can learn about the kumquat today? Pleeeeeease..."

[Mills] said: “It’s for everybody. It will be very family orientated during the day but it will be for all ages. My grandmother lived here for 38 years so I really want it to be somewhere elderly people can go as well.

“It is going to be really funky, with nice music and ambience and good staff.”

So it's funky and hip, for children and the elderly, pushing burgers through a slot... I'm not sure, but I suspect Mills may have ended the tour by telling The Argus that the restaurant will also be able to fly, and special singing potatoes will provide makeovers at the Fairy-powered clamshell.