Gordon in the morning: Lythgoe away now

There's a reason why Nigel Lythgoe's role tends to be backstage rather than upfront on the various variations of the same programme that he churns out. He looks like Frank Skinner's Lutheran brother and has the screen presence of that bloke who does the cowboy builders show on daytime TV.

Say what you like about Simon Cowell - and do feel free to - but at least he looks like he belongs on the programme he helms. Lythgoe always comes across like there's been a government-inspired job exchange programme, and somewhere off the M40 there's a regional sales conference being hosted by Boyd Hilton.

Which brings us to where we are today: A bunch of piss-weak stories about Lythgoe trying to turn him from a slightly creepy, misplaced presence on BBC One's Have A Bit Of A Dance programme into some sort of showbiz powerhouse. Quite shamefully, BBC News is at it, turning 'man says he might offer another man a job, but he doesn't really think the other man will be interested anyway' into this:

Nigel Lythgoe to contact Jonathan Ross about US TV work

Gordon has a more basic attempt to try and shake the impression that he's a man in search of a clipboard and torchpen:

MODEL JERRY HALL is dating TV talent show villain "Nasty" NIGEL LYTHGOE, The Sun can reveal.

The Texan beauty's former lovers include rock icons BRYAN FERRY and MICK JAGGER.

Perhaps, but that doesn't then make Lythgoe a bit like Mick Jagger. I'm seeing this as bit more like the promotional work she used to do for Bovril.

Mick Jagger denies being tight

Jerry Hall's suggestion that Mick is close to a pound note has upset Mick. Although we understand he waited until after six o'clock to put in a call denying it:

Mick, 63, called the remarks “absurd”.

He said: “I’ve always been more than happy to pay for the children as well as the lion’s share for her lifestyle.”

It might be slightly easier to believe that Jagger isn't a grasping tightwad if his band hadn't cancelled a whole slew of tour dates to avoid them falling into the wrong tax year.

No wonder she was reduced to doing Bovril adverts

It turns out that, despite carefully exiling himself from all but the lightest of taxes, Mick Jagger remained close to his pound notes. That's what Jerry Hall reckons, anyway:

"He always wanted me to pay for everything to do with the house and children, which I didn't mind doing, I guess, because I had the money. He's generous with presents, but yeah, he's pretty tight with the day to day stuff."

She doesn't say if, when he goes to have coffee out, Mick collects the little sachets of brown sugar to use at home.