Gordon in the morning: Call Esther Rantzen

This morning, Gordon Smart has got a definitive fab whacky Macca thumbs aloft photo, which he has headlined, erm:

Thumb trip for Paul McCartney

I took a couple of cups of strong coffee before I worked out the pun - thumb/some. I say "pun", though that's being over generous.

Still, let's not be too hard on Gordon, for today he reveals his hidden pain:

PUNK star JILTED JOHN has been the bane of my life thanks to his classic 1978 self-titled track which told the tale of Gordon the moron.

It’s a cracking tune but a bit tedious after 14 years of having your older brother sing it to you every day.

It's odd he had it sung to him over 5,000 times and yet didn't actually notice it wasn't about Gordon but about John and Julie and that Gordon was merely an incidental character on the edge of the tale. But then Smart does tend to assume that anytime there's a Gordon involved, he'll be at the centre of things.

And you'd have thought that Smart could have silenced his brother by pointing out that Gordon is "cool and trendy" and, even in John's estimation, better looking than the man he's jilted.

Still, Gordon has at last found a hook upon which to print this story of childhood misery, with Jilted John's new song about Keira Knightley:

The lyrics go: "Keira, Keira, eat your dinner. Keira, Keira, you can’t get much thinner. Go to a restaurant with Michael Winner. Keira, Keira, eat your dinner."

Gordon proclaims this "brilliant" - which perhaps misses the point that it's meant to be intentionally rubbish - and slaps on the headline:

Jilted in Keira thin-phony

Thin-phony? In what world does Sym sound like Thin?