Katie Melua finds a spider in her ear

Given the story is Katie Melua with a spider in her ear, shall we just go straight to the punchline which is the entire world shoving spiders into their ears when Katie Melua plays? Because we all know that's where this thing is going.

Do you ever wonder if you're the only human and everyone else is an alien robot?

Katie Melua doesn't. She thinks she's actually an alien or something or other or something:

She said: "I don't even know if I'm human sometimes. I know that sounds mental, but I do believe we are all a bit like aliens."

But if we're all a bit like aliens, then aren't all humans a bit like alien, and so feeling like that is human?

The United Nations have issued a statement in the last ten minutes, stressing that if it can be proven that Katie Melua has been sent to this planet by an alien intelligence, that will be viewed as a declaration of galactic war. "Unless they take her back, and James Blunt and Duffy as well as reparations" concluded the UN.

Mitch fills in for Danny

I'm a little surprised at the decision of Mitch Winehouse to take up an offer to co-host a show with Gary Crowley on Radio London. He's doing the show while Danny Baker is on holiday - just one day, mind, but the list of other co-hosts ( Lucinda Ledgerwood, Phil Daniels, Katie Melua, Clare Grogan, Sandie Shaw, Alison Moyet, Toyah Wilcox, Sharleen Spiteri and David Grant) is an awkward slice of company for Winehouse to be rubbing shoulders with. Nobody would deny him the chance of having a spot of fun, but this does look a little like someone using a sick daughter as a stepping-stone to being a minor celebrity. Unless there's some other reason he's been invited?

Mind you, he is a London cabbie so a phone-in show could just be his natural element.

In other Baker-related news: He's going to be doing 606 all next season. Back where he belongs.

Melua a Womble no longer

In a cautious step, Katie Melua is about to abandon Mike Batt, the man who - effectively - created her:

"Me and Mike have decided this is the last album we are going to make as a creative team. It feels like the end of a chapter, our final little blast." Always careful in her choice of words, Melua insists no criticism of her mentor is intended.

"I wouldn't say I was getting restless but three was enough. I am becoming my own person and there isn't space any more for two creative people to go on an album."

Being as how Batt wrote most of the stuff that got her noticed, created a label for her, and steered her surprisingly successfully, this seems a bit of a slap in the face.

Let's hope she remembers what happened to Orinocho when he went solo.