Madonna is "like Mary Poppins"

Which is, we suppose, not that far from being Like A Virgin. The Mary Poppins observation is according to a supposed link from Malawian social service's investigation into the adoption of David Banda.

We know, we know: Mary Poppins was a nanny and not a mother, and she wouldn't have hired in another nanny to actually look after the kid. Although she did have a relationship with a bloke who spoke in a fake cockney accent. The Sun reports:

A pal said yesterday: “It is the final legal hurdle in adopting David and they are so relieved it went well. No wonder they look so happy and have been buying sex toys.”

Sorry?

"No wonder they look so happy and have been buying sex toys."

Yes - that's exactly what Mary Poppins used to do to mark a job well done. It's a strap on, by the way, Guy. You're going to have your chim-chimeny place seen to.