Mel C furious on Matt Cardle's behalf

They've knocked together some sort of new promo film for the next series of X Factor - I suppose based on that one they've already been showing; the one that would have been called a megamix in the past. The one that actually manages to make you go 'maybe Swagger Jagger wasn't that bad at all'.

Trouble is, they've forgotten to put Matt Cardle in it.

Mel C is fuming about that:

“I think it's really f***ing rude the way they have left him out.

“He was such a great ­winner and he’s gone on to do brilliant things. Matt’s possibly one of the best winners on the show.”

If you're wondering where Mel has got the impression that Matt has been doing brilliant things, it helps to know that he's done a duet with her.

It's certainly true that Matt is right up there in the top ten winners of the series, which has had ten winners.

When asked why they left Cardle out of the film, a spokesperson for the X Factor looked blank, scratched his head and said "what's that? Is that Steve Brookstein?"

Matt Cardle is dropped

Sorry, did I say Matt Cardle has been dropped? Allow me to correct myself. Matt Cardle has left his record deal despite being part-way through recording an album.

It appears that it's musical differences - presumably the label wants to sell music, whereas Cardle is content merely to make it.

Cardle won something like Masterchef in 2008, or possibly Strike It Rich, which had thrown an obligation on the label to find him something to do. It's rumoured the contract with X Factor winners includes a break clause, allowing Sony to liquidate the contract the moment the singer edges into Pointless answer territory.

Steve Brookstein was unavailable for comment.

Matt Cardle: It's always the quiet ones, isn't it?

Clearly, the slow career progression being enjoyed by Matt Cardle means he's got too much time on his hands: He appears to spend his time reading long tracts on the internet:

He said: "Well, there's a lot of conspiracy. I've gotta be careful what I say. The whole 9/11 thing, something's not quite right there. I think the way it was portrayed on TV and who was responsible and the way it happened was not the way it happened."

You've got to love the "I've gotta be careful what I say", like he's a Julian Assange figure.

Then asked whether he believed the US government led by then-president George W.Bush was behind the attacks, Cardle reportedly responded by nodding vigorously.

Asked to elaborate, he said: "It's just not what they say it is. Other conspiracies might be true and the one I believe might also be bullshit. But all I do know is what they're saying is bullshit. From the things I've seen, I don't care what anyone says. To not question it is silly."

It turns out that Cardle will believe anything - that the X Factor is a way to shortcut the process to musical credibility; that there was a million dollar contract at the end of it; that George Bush was competent enough to organise 9/11 and a good enough actor to look so gormless when he was told about the planes.

Still, be careful Matt: we wouldn't want you disappearing totally from public view. I mean, obviously, you more-or-less did almost as soon as you won the X Factor.

Matt Cardle's 2012 tour will start in Guantanamo Bay, before concluding in the tunnels underneath Denver Airport THAT THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT