Matt Goss hopes sounding kinda stalkery will help the comeback

With that much-promised Bros reunion still very much an unwanted puppy left in the window of a pet shop on Christmas Eve, Matt Goss is trying to keep things moving by sharing a tale about the time his life briefly intersected with that of someone famous:

He told BANG Showbiz: "We had a lunch with her back in the day and it was an extraordinary experience.

"You had a sense that she knew she had a beautiful presence. When you looked into her blue eyes it was very hard not to blush.

"She had that intensity that a woman should have.

"I'm a hopeless romantic, I was flirting with her, of course I was, I tried my best. I like grace and femininity in a woman."

Where do you even begin? If Diana had flirted with you, that might be an anecdote. "I flirted with someone at a dinner thirty years ago" just sounds a bit creepy. Especially when you say you "tried [your] best", like you were attempting to win a goldfish in a fairground.

But I wouldn't worry about coming across a bit creepy, Matt, as the "intensity a woman should have" and "I like grace and femininity" stuff is more than quease-making enough in its own right.

Gordon in the morning: Ken's waiting for the call

Tucked away behind the solid paywall of The Sun this morning comes the news that Matt 'Not Luke' Goss is dropping heavy hints that, you know, if you were looking for a 1980s band for any purposes, he'd be happy to get in touch with Luke 'Not Matt' Goss and get Bros back together.

This year, of course, marks the fifth anniversary of Matt going on Radio One to try and drum up interest in a Bros reunion, which was quietly dropped when nobody seemed that interested.

We prefer the sloths, ourselves

There's desperation, there's desperation and then there's... this. Matt Goss, who last week was saying that there wasn't enough money in the world to get Bros back together, has decided that a really good use of the scarce resources of the planet would be getting the blokes from the Specsavers advert to make a record. For people who live outside the UK, or who simply don't watch the commercial television channels, the advert features a huge group of girls waiting for their heroes to emerge from a hotel. The first three are wearing really 'cool' shades; the last emerges and - to disappointed gasps and a general floating away of the screaming girlies - puts on a pair of dorky shades. He should, you see, have gone to Specsavers. Apparently the "band", now called All Eyes, are going to give any money the first single 'She's A Vision' (do you see what the theme is here yet?) to Guide Dogs before following up with 'Shades'. What's most ridiculous about this, of course, is the band don't even sing in the bloody advert - at least if it had been, say, the "alien invasion/ what on earth are we going to do" band from the KitKat ad, or the woman who used to trill that "I'm a McCains Oven Chips fan/better for the kids and the old man/better than chips from a chip pan/twenty per cent less fat", they had some sort of musical bit in their commercial. I can see clearly now that Matt Goss has too much time on his hands, but he's obviously got stars in his eyes (continued page 64)

UPDATE: Please see an important correction to this story