Ditto naked, Gallagher in bed: Best fronts ever?

The Periodical Publisher's Assocation has decided to celebrate the diversity of magazines - that's what they said - by organising a poll to find the nation's favourite all-time magazine cover.

They've drawn up a shortlist, which includes a Nova and an Oz cover; a Private Eye front page that seems to have been chosen more-or-at-less at random (although a random choice are removing the funny-but-controversial ones); two with Victoria Beckham on (a Heat and an OK) - because that shows the variety on the newstands, doesn't it.

The shortlist also includes a Radio Times - a Doctor Who cover, because all Radio Times front pages have to have Doctor Who on by law and two Vogues.

There are a couple of actually inventive covers - Empire's breathing Darth Vader and Take A Break's scratch-n-sniff bloke's armpit - and Loaded's scribbled on Keegan, which was quite a brave move at the time and exactly the sort of inspired wit which the magazine stopped doing after about issue three.

But what's this? Vanity Fair's "London Swings Again" shot of Gallagher in bed with Patsy Kensit. This has been chosen by Mother & Baby's Miranda Levy:

For me, it has to be Vanity Fair's 'London Swings Again' cover. It's March 1997, Tony Blair is two heartbeats away from Number 10, and here are Liam and Patsy, swathed in a Union Jack bedspread, giving us buckets of contempt and attitude. This was the age of Blur v Oasis, Geri in platform boots at the Brits, Damien Hurst's formaldehyde sheep. A cover that sums up an era.

March 1997 was nearly two years after Blur versus Oasis and Damien Hirst's Away From The Flock was from 1993. And while the original Time "Swinging City" piece was important, as it was praise from elsewhere, Vanity Fair UK's lumbering jump on the bandwagon looked more like an attempt by a few London party-goers to convince themselves they were at the centre of things, and misjudging quite badly.

Even more surprisingly, the awkward Beth Ditto nude cover has made the cut, with a nomination from Decanter magazine's Guy Woodward:

Attitude, impact, humour, relevance and courage. Demands attention, and shows brilliant powers of imagination and persuasion, along with the courage to go off-brand in terms of content while remaining absolutely on-brand in terms of message.

Putting a naked woman on the front of a magazine isn't really much of an act of imagination, and persuading Beth Ditto to remove her clothes doesn't take much persuading. Indeed, that this was a tired, over-sold retread of the PJ Harvey cover from years back (and the snarky Silverfish one that followed it) suggests that it wasn't that far off-brand.

And what was the message? That the only way a female singer could hope to get a cover of the NME is by getting her tits out? That - goodness - larger women can remove their clothes too? But if it was humorous, is the joke meant to be that it's a fat woman on the front of the magazine? If it was a statement, why was the picture airbrushed? We don't think the NME really knew what it was doing when it ran the cover; perhaps we should vote for it to win in a bid to finally find out?

Gordon in the morning: Kensit moves on again

The wedding of Jeremy Healy and Patsy Kensit is off, according to this morning's Gordon Smart column, but it's not a story that Smart himself dirties his hands with. Oddly, though, there are two bylines:

By JENNA GOOD
and PETE SAMSON

It seems a bit heavy for a 'story' which is little more than an unsourced quote and a list of her ex-husbands.

Patsy had reportedly asked film star friend LIZ HURLEY to be bridesmaid. The pal added: “She must be devastated.”

The pal isn't actually Liz Hurley. And it isn't clear if "the pal" is suggesting that Kensit will be devastated, or if Hurley will be upset at not having to wear a bridesmaid dress.

It's very kind to call Hurley a film star - even if you count films that nobody saw, she's not troubled a trailer since 2004.

In the paper, Gordon's big story is about Amy Winehouse's new album, a story he splashes despite having run it last week:

The troubled star has almost become a recluse since contracting an ugly skin condition and friends are terrified about her negative state of mind.

'Has almost become a recluse'? How do you "almost" become a recluse? Only venturing outside covered in a tent? Since Gordon was reporting at the start of the weekend she was turning up at Pentonville wearing a large, look-at-me badge and last week on trips to kebab shops, you'd have to ask exactly where the almost-reclusedom is showing itself.

Meanwhile, Gordon has some sexy snaps of Sarah Larson. They're clearly mucking-about-on-a-night-out shots, and they're being run because she may or may not be dating George Clooney:

I always knew Sarah was a great catch, and these pics of her...

Yes, Gordon, what do "these pics" do?

...just confirm what I already thought.

We're scratching our heads as to what Gordon means when he says that he "always knew" Sarah was a great catch? Does he mean 'since I heard she was going out with Clooney'? Or has he really always thought she was a great catch and has been working diligently behind the scenes to set her up with someone? Or is it merely he had some vaguely raunchy out-of-focus photos he wanted to print and was just going to write any old blurb to make it look like there was reason for them to be in a newspaper?

Patsy Kensit is Mrs Big Leggy

Patsy Kensit has got engaged to Jeremy Healy, bringing together two 80s minor popstars in one marriage.

Here's Patsy with Eighth Wonder, doing Stay With Me at the glittery Montreux Rock Festival:



And here's Jeremy, with Haysi Fantayzee's last single release, Sister Friction:

Showbizwith Zoe grovels

Good lord, what did Patsy Kensit threaten to do to the Sunday Mirror's Showbizwith Zoe to get such a swift and cringing apology in this week's piece?

OOPS, silly me... it seems Patsy Kensit and Nicole Appleton are much better pals than I made out last week.

She's been in touch to say there's no friction at all between the pair.

Patsy and her ex Liam Gallagher have an eight-year-old son, Lennon, and Nicole and Liam have a six-year-old son, Gene.

After last week's Live Earth concert, they all went back to Liam's for a family barbecue. I'm told Patsy and Nicole even have lunch together.

Good on you Patsy!

We especially love the last line - the "good on you Patsy" for no reason whatsoever other than to hope it'll finally persuade her to take her stiletto off Zoe's foot.