Sunday, February 11, 2007

Robbie Williams is not as great a claim to fame as pissing in a diaper on TV

All we knew about Lisa D'Amato was that she lost out on America's Next Top Model, but not before she pissed in a diaper to show how, erm, "wacky" she was. Apparently, though, she had to be locked into Robbie William's LA mansion (the one where he keeps a football pitch to entice the boys round) so that she "wouldn't find out she'd hit the headlines" when she spent two months with him.


Still heartbroken after Robbie finished with her last month, Lisa, 26, reveals how the 32-year-old star—who called her his ‘Baby Doll':

# KISSED her all over after stripping her naked in the build-up to their first explosive night of sex.
# MADE LOVE to her for three hours, "showing unbelievable stamina" and satisfying her in ways she'd never known before.

Robbie couldn't buy publicity like this, though. Actually, come to think of it, he could, couldn't he? Not that he's underwriting this, after all. It's not like D'Amato is a bit short of work since she didn't win on a game show.

Satisfying her "in ways she'd never known before", eh? Still, we hear that that is a popular practice. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Lisa is determined to share:
"He peeled off my jeans and was over the moon when he discovered I had on little shorts with music notes on. Then he kissed my neck and started moving downwards. I lost all control."

Well, that is what you're known for, love. We're mildly surprised that Williams recognises musical notation, though. We thought someone else handled that end for him.
"He is, without doubt, a master in the bedroom," she says. "The first time we made love was fantastic. He had such stamina. We'd started off investigating each other's tattoos. I have 12 and he has loads.

Lest there be any doubt about the story, "Robbie Williams has loads of tattoos" isn't the sort of thing you could find out from the internet, is it?
"By the time we started properly making love I was desperate for him. We spent three hours fooling around."

Three hours? That's less foreplay and more procrastination, isn't it?

But it's not all eventual sex and going "nah, the one on my butt, that's meant to be a tiger, not bagpuss." Robbie has demons, you know.

And not the cute ones, with the hanging ears, like that one Buffy used to hang out with. Oh, no - these are chain smoking demons:
"It was clear he was struggling with his mind. He doesn't drink, but he needs anti-depressants to get him through the day. A lot of the time he seemed on edge.

"He would light up a cigarette, take a few drags and then put it out and light another straight away."

Well, you don't want to be puffing away on a used cigarette, do you? This taking a couple of drags and tossing aside didn't seem to worry Lisa, who might have spotted a clue that her stay at Robbie's mansion wasn't going to be any more permanent than her stay in the ANTM luxury apartment:
He suddenly dumped her just before heading off to Europe on tour, saying they were getting too close. "I was devastated. I wasn't with him because he was Robbie Williams—I was with him because he made me laugh and feel so special," says Lisa. "He said he was worried he would hurt me."

The slight problem with all this, though, is that it doesn't actually match up with Williams' real itinerary.

Lisa and the NOTW claims she met Williams "last November", that she had "two torrid months of passion" with him, during which he was "so worried about returning to Europe to complete his Close Encounters tour" and that he "dumped her just before heading off to Europe."

But Williams had completed the European leg of the Close Encounters tour when he disturbed us all in Milton Keynes at the end of September. He did have some dates hanging over him in November 2006 - the Australian leg. But that started in the last week of November. So, somehow Williams met and spent two months with her in a three-week period of time, worrying the whole period about having to go to a continent to finish a tour he'd already wrapped there, and not mentioning the place he was about to go to at all. That's really mysterious, isn't it?