Friday, January 25, 2008

Gordon in the morning: I'm in charge

Is it just us, or does the byline on the Winehouse goes to rehab tale speak of some sort of background scuffle?

By GORDON SMART,
Bizarre Editor,
and PETE SAMSON,
Deputy Bizarre Editor

A source close to the story told us: "Gordon wasn't going to sit by and not have his byline on the big story yet again, but Pete insisted that if he shared his byline, he wanted to get his job title into it." Actually, we made up that source and are only guessing that's what led to such a cock-waving heading, but our understanding of tabloid journalism allows us to guess and attribute it to a source.

The amusing thing is, despite all the editorial firepower, Amy going into rehab is considered a lot less key to the paper, which instead splashes online and in the paper with the claims that Ashley Cole supposedly cheated on Cheryl Cole (or had a "“wild” sex romp", of course - according to the rompee Aimee Walton).

Indeed, even the Bizarre website gives greater prominence to Caroline Iggulden's claims that Britney Spears' uncle says she "never had a chance".

The uncle is William Spears, who claims to be in a position to know:
“I’m not just a family friend or someone who claims to know them. I was there every day, working with them. I have seen all the terrible things happen.”

William - or, um, Road Kill Willie as he's apparently known - talked to the The Sun in the luxury of his static caravan, offering the claim that Britney snuck a bottle of booze away from a family party when she was 13 before speculating that perhaps she's cursed because she has the same middle name as her late grandmother, and concluding:
She was a sweet young girl but as she grew up and saw the violence, the alcohol and everything, she became what she saw - as mean and hard-drinking as the rest of the family.

“That kind of childhood would make anyone unstable. It did with me.

“If people think she has reached the bottom, they are very wrong. Suicide is the bottom line for Britney.”

... and when that happens, he'll be waiting in his caravan to share his thoughts on that, too. Prices available on request.


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