Mills: Now it's up to £80million

With the Saturday papers having chased up each other's bids on the cost of the McCartney-Mills divorce as high as £55 million, the Sundays had nowhere to go but up. The News of the World now reckons she's looking for £80 million; but, at the back of the room, the Sunday Mirror has upped the ante to suggest Mills is going for £200 million.

Both papers, though, are still convinced she's not going to get anything at all: the Smirror claims that McCartney is going to submit documents showing he made a loss during his marriage - which, surely, has to be some form of creative accounting:

Paul has showed his company MPL Communications made an overall loss of nearly £2million between 2002 and 2006 - when they were living together as man and wife.

Bearing in mind Paul generates something like thirty squillion pounds a second (estimates put his earnings from interest at about two million quid a minute) - how would you actually be going backwards under those circumstances?

The News of the World has more earthy reasons for believing that Mills will get zilch, running claims that she was had two men on the go while she was dating McCartney. "Handsome film editor" Tim Steel has somehow forgotten to mention their "marathon sex sessions" while she was seeing Paul. Up until this point. The pair lived together in 1997, a shocking five years before Mills and McCartney married, and it ended bitterly.

Perhaps, though, the most outrageous thing about the story is the News Of The World's headline:

Rumpy Stumpy

It's hard to see how anyone could justify that - regardless of if you hate Heather or not, calling an amputee "Stumpy" is just unacceptable.

Meanwhile, the News of the World provides a fresh link through to its coverage of Heather's porn work - presumably to remind people they're calling her 'Mucca' because of her porn past, don't you know? - although, oddly, they don't seem to have bothered linking through to those stories they ran claiming she was a high-price prostitute. I wonder why?