Gordon in the morning: The cinema super friends club

Gordon reports this morning that Madonna is getting film-making tips from Prince Edward.

It's a bit like Harold Shipman getting patient care tips from Crippen, surely?

What's Edward going to offer? "Don't put yourself in as an actor and - oh, yeah - lots and lots of coverage of people playing real tennis. That's the celluloid magic."

It turns out Edward is giving advice more on content than form - Madonna is making this movie about Wallis Simpson. How Edward would help here is a bit of a mystery - he'd have been not born when his uncle abdicated, so his value as eyewitness will be about as great as the guidance he can bring from his own filmmaking days.

Princess Michael Of Kent - who's like the supply teacher royal - has also offered her unique perspective, having been born just nine years after abdication and marrying into the family forty years later.

By the way, if you've been wondering how Madonna will manage to louse this one up, Gordon has a pretty strong hint:

W.E focuses on how Edward gave up the throne to marry Mrs Simpson - who was still wed to her second husband when they met - plus a modern-day romance between a married woman and a Russian security guard.

Oh, a parallel story in modern dress you've made up all by yourself? Yes, that's what this story was crying out for.

Why did the royals get involved? As you'll have noted, it's the sort of royal who would turn up on the off-chance if they spotted a velvet rope; "other senior royals" apparently turned Madonna down.

The source added: "When the Palace were contacted by the film company for guidance on historical fact, they were a bit apprehensive at first given the subject.

"But when they heard Madonna was behind it they lent their support and arranged for key people to get involved."

Really? The Palace did? Because The Queen's staff are starstruck by Madonna, are they? And since when were Edward and - god help us - Gloucester and Mrs. Gloucester the Monarchy's key figures?