Linda McCartney used as Morrissey honeytrap

Or at least, sort of. Coachella was so desperate to score a Smiths reunion, they offered Morrissey an all-vegetarian festival to try and seal the deal.

And it wasn't only the meat that they were prepared to throw overboard:

"Fascinatingly they made it clear that they would 'not require' the Smiths' bass player or drummer," said Morrissey about his estranged bandmembers, "which I thought certainly said something."

Of course, all of this is "according to Morrissey" - and let's not forget the judgement of Judge Weeks that when dealing with those other band members Morrissey was "devious, truculent and unreliable."

I'm not entirely sure an entirely meat-free Coachella would even be feasible, would it? Would there be hot-dog pat-downs at the entry to the polo field campsites? What if another headliner insisted on putting bacon on their rider?