Never mind the Sugababes...: Chas & Dave split

Some things are just unthinkable on their own. Marks without Spencer. Huntley without Palmer. Keith Harris without his lips moving. Morrissey without the air of wounded persecution.

And Chas without Dave.

But we're going to have to get used to it, as Dave Peacock is retiring from showbiz. He's calling it a day following his wife's death in July, but Chas Hodges is going to carry on to fulfil all the outstanding commitments. He's going to play as 'Chas & His Band', as 'Chas & ' just doesn't have the same ring to it.

It's unlikely we'll see the likes of Chas & Dave again in our lifetimes.

Hives "let gorillas choose set list"

The Hives are playing some sort of festival at a zoo, and according to NME.com are letting the animals choose which songs they'll play:

Speaking to NME.COM, The Hives' singer Pelle Almqvist said he was letting the zoo's animals influence his choice of setlist for the gig.

"We're a bit scared that the gorillas will start a riot if we don't play the right songs," he explained. "We've never played a zoo before you know? Once we played at a festival in (hometown of) Fagersta in a field and their were cows there. Did they like our music? Well cows are pretty chilled out generally aren't they? So yes, I think so."

Given that the Zoo Thousand and Eight festival at Port Lympne Wild Animal Park also features Chas and Dave, we shouldn't expect The Hives would need to worry about what the animals think of their set; they'll clearly be at the other stage.

Not Feeling it: Haywards Heath fest drains council

The rather bizarre line-up for Haywards Heath's three-day Big Culture Show - The Feeling, a bloke dressed up as Bob The Builder, and Chas and Dave - didn't quite capture anyone's imagination and now locals are trying to find out who signed off on the flop, which left a £150,000 loss to be made good by pubic funds:

Organisers said they were "extremely disappointed" and have blamed bad weather for the lack of takings.

But Councillor Paddy Henry, the sole Labour representative on the Tory-led council, said the three-day event was a "total waste" and that heads should roll.

He said: "If you worked for a private company and you lost £150,000 you'd be out the door. When you're bolstered and feather bedded by council tax money it seems you can just squander it, no questions asked.

"Someone should throw themselves on their sword for this."

The organisers, though, are bullish:

Paul Squires, head of leisure and well being, said the loss represented less than one per cent of his £17 million budget.

He added: "We worked extremely hard to bring a fresh event to Mid Sussex and we are all obviously extremely disappointed with the outcome and the attendance.

"Due to the generosity and support of many local businesses we were able to keep our expenditure well within budget however the income from sales was well down on projections.

"Just like elsewhere, we suffered as a result of bad weather.

"This event was not the success we had hoped for, however the losses represent less than one per cent of our total leisure and culture business.

"As such it will not impact on people's council tax bills as the growth and management of the remainder of our business will be sufficient to ensure we continue to bring innovative, exciting - and occasionally daring - events to Mid Sussex."

Surely not that Paul Squires?

Still, we love the idea that a big gig in a field by The Feeling is what passes for "daring" now in Brett Anderson's childhood hometown.

Tabloid round-up: Doherty in a dress

The Sun's coverage of Glastonbury is a little underpowered - Vicotria Newton's main contribution is that Pete Doherty put on a dress when he and Kate stopped at a petrol station on the way down. Yes! A Dress. A man in a dress! Truly, he is the lord of misrule.

He kept his trousers on though.

There's no credit on the Sun's review of Amy Winehouse. It observes that she's got two more gigs in the field this weekend (which throws the horrific possibility that by Sunday night, there could be Amy on all the press red channels on BBC TV).

[L]ater Amy was so smashed backstage she could barely speak.

Or maybe not, then.

The Mirror's coverage of the festival is more in-depth, sharing the news that the Kaiser Chiefs had their trailer stolen by the Arctic Monkeys:

"It was pouring with rain and for them to turn around and say there was nowhere for them to stay was a massive kick in the teeth.

"But the boys took it on the chin and set about trying to get their hands on a tent instead.

"Then they found out it was the Arctics who had claimed their trailer and it's fair to say they were not amused. Ricky had a face like thunder."

Hmm... a story which features the Kaiser Chiefs being upset. How on earth could you come up with a punchline for that one, eh, 3AM Girls?

We predict a riot...

Oh. Of course.
They also have news of Beth Ditto's rider ("20 bars of milk chocolate") and Peaches Geldof talking - talking - to Donny Tourette. Perhaps it wa Tourette's engrossing conversation which distracted Peaches from her Orange blog.

The Daily Mail's Jane Fryer isn't having a good time:

This is my first Glastonbury and, so far, it hasn't been much fun. Before me is a sea of steaming mud, teeming with tens of thousands of soaking wet festival-goers milling about and trying to remember where they pitched their tent.

But it gets worse. Of course, she's upset by the toilets, too:

It's also pretty smelly. The Eau-de-Glasto is a not very subtle blend of beer, body odour, fried food, smelly hair, and toilets.

The loos are something else. Already flowing with excrement and despite a plea on the official website not to bring loo roll, no loo roll.

Can anything cheer her up?

So we set off again. Finally, after another 40 minutes' tramping, we arrive soaking and caked in mud, just as Chas and Dave start up on the stage nearby.

Oh dear.

Finally, nature relents a little:

Suddenly, the rain stops and, for a very fleeting moment, the sun comes out. A huge cheer goes up and there's nothing for it but to dump our stuff and head for the cider tent and to find some decent music.

Considering Jane starts her piece crowing:

I am one of the lucky 177,500 people who managed to get tickets for the mother of British music festivals

... you have to wonder what she'd consider rotten luck.