Chicks, Keith disprove their own theory

It's a lovely idea: global warming in a problem facing us all, so why not bring together two acts with opposing political stances to prove that anyone can work together for a greater good?

So, the Alliance for Climate Protection attempted to bring together Toby Keith and the Dixie Chicks for an advert demonstrating this setting aside of animosity and sniping.

Unfortunately, the Dixie Chicks could never commit to a date, and Toby Keith started sniping:

"It's hard to get people that don't get along to agree when all those egos and stuff are involved."

- which, I believe, is the exact opposite of the point of the advert, isn't it?

Planet's needs, Al Gore's needs, whatever

We're a little puzzled by the claims that The Cribs have been "forced" to apologise for making a mild joke onstage at Glastonbury.

The joke - actually, mild might be over-stating it a bit - was this:

"They want us to speak out about global warming, but the biggest problem is the attitude of some indie bands. Isn't that a bigger problem?"

Since then, Ryan Jarman has issued a clarification:

At no point was I meaning to criticise the festival's climate campaign, I was just making a flippant remark about, how in my opinion, the mainstream mindset of most "indie" bands these days is the real scourge we should be against."

But as far as we can tell, nobody even noticed the original remark, much less took it seriously; certainly, the only reason we can think of for Jarman making this semi-retraction would be an Uncle Ken moment. Everyone has an Uncle Ken, who makes lame puns at family gatherings and - mistaking people pretending not to have heard for people who didn't hear - will repeat the joke, with worse timing and the wrong inflection.

Hey You? Oy, vey.

The mighty Pojustice has got a clip of the trudging Hey You - it's an EcoPlod, presumably; and the lyrics to Madonna's answer to the world's problems have also started to appear online. But we can't believe that the most complete set - which includes the line "the sun is shining/the earth is whining" - can possibly be true. Seriously, even if you thought the couplet wasn't so damn cheesey it could trap a rat, why would you try and protect the planet by portraying it as some sort of petulant teenager. "I'm getting hot... my make-up's running. I don't like it. Make it stop."

The clip on PJ does have some audible lyrics - "open your heart/you've got to change this time" - and since you're changing, might we recommend a tracksuit from H&M, imported from halfway around the world - and the frankly baffling "keep it together, we'll make it alright/our celebration is going on tonight." Which suggests, if nothing else, Madonna is writing from a conviction that the very start of the song will do so well to organise some sort of general keeping-it-together and unspecified changing, that by the end of the song the danger will all be over and we can get down to partying.

Or maybe she's just being honest and admitting that Live Earth is going to be little more than a bunch of hot air and some famous people telling us how great they are at saving us common folk.

"This could be good, hey you" ends Madonna. Yes, let's look for the silver lining in the global climate catastrophe clouds - or where the clouds would have been if the Earth hadn't heated up so much. At least it's given Madonna the chance to look concerned in a way that hasn't involved taking other people's children. And she can wear that white suit again. It's all good.