What does American Pie mean?

With Don Mclean auctioning off the meaning of American Pie, you just hope it's going to turn out to be a massive disappointment:

"Yeah, so this bit about the King and the Jester? Well, "the King" refers to an unelected male ruler of a State - kind of like the Queen, yeah, but a bloke? And a jester was a guy who'd dress up in a pointy hat and tell jokes and so on. Look, I was drunk and rushing to hit a deadline."

Twittergem: Neko Case

@NekoCase & @NikkiSixx What are you trying to tell me? pic.twitter.com/7Tv8aMsMgi

— Alexander Lindbäck (@AlexLindback) October 16, 2013

We've had lots of letters: Misheard lyrics

In case you only ever read No Rock after it has come through a feed, you might have missed James' comments on the truly terrible 'misheard lyrics' survey.

And that would be a shame.

So here it is, above the line:

Speaking of horrible PR stunts and press releases, have you seen that dog of a story about 'most frequently-misheard lyrics' that's been doing the rounds? I wasn't too surprised when it first turned up on Digital Spy - They'd publish a pizza delivery menu if you stuck a photo of Peter Andre to it - but then it turned up on the BBC News site :( http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23284179

Apparently a survey of 1350 people has found that the most-misheard lyric is by the Eurythmics - It claims a third of people surveyed thought the line was "Sweet dreams are made of cheese". It also reckons the second-most-misheard is Rihanna supposedly singing "We found Dove in a soapless place".

There was something particularly irritating about this story, more so than the average survey-as-cheap-PR-where-news-used-to-be piffle. How does this sort of survey work? Did they ask 1350 people "What lyrics do you mishear?" and then hope that lots of them suggest the same ones? And isn't a survey of misheard lyrics a bit like asking people to name all the countries they've never heard of?

But mainly; That Rihanna one. Really?? In a song called 'We Found Love', people actually thought she was singing 'We found Dove'? They honestly think we'll believe that many people confused an 'L' sound with a 'D'? I suspect they're talking boddocks.

Sorry, I appear to be ranting in a comment box. Bad habit.

Kate Moss is not a great songwriter after all

Remember when Kate Moss was hanging out with Pete Doherty? Of course you do. What you might have forgotten was at the time Pete was more-or-less in a band called Babyshambles who put out an album. It's more than likely Pete doesn't remember. I suspect he doesn't remember very much about those days.

Kate Moss had a writer's credit on three of the tracks, including for Baddie's Boogie. Mysteriously, though, that credit has subsequently disappeared.

I say "mysteriously". There isn't actually a mystery; turned out a huge chunk of the lyric turns out to be virtually identical to a line from Nick Toczek's Stiff With A Quiff.

It's taken five years, but he's finally got a payment for the infringement from Doherty's team. Chrysalis Music describes this as being settled "amicably" - presumably it was so amicable they dragged it out for five years because they were just enjoying everyone's company so much.

[Thanks to Michael M]

Slayer: Apparently writing lyrics is a quick process

Kerry King is writing some new words for a Slayer record. Surprisingly, he's not blocking out much time in his diary:

"If I get off my ass and start writing again on the road — since we've been in Europe, I keep trying to work on lyric ideas, maybe some leads, and fixing songs that didn't work correctly — it should be a real quick process."

Really? Thinking up rhymes for "blood", "grave", "misery" and "antichrist" is such a speedy process? The creation of yet another song about not showing mercy is something which one can do while waiting for a PopTart to cook? Whoever would have guessed?

The Wanted's Suicide Solution

Apparently, The Wanted are catching heat for their Chasing The Sun song. Singing about staying up all night partying? That's a bad example for the young people.

I don't think anyone is actually saying this, it's more like a desperate hope from management that somebody would.

Still, we're encouraged to approach the lyrics with an open mind:

Jay said: ''I think this song, it can mean many things. To some people, it is partying all night and chasing the sun the next morning. That's what the first video is about - the girls, the teeth are there, the vampires.

''So we're all there partying away. And that's one aspect of the song. Another aspect of the song is chasing your dreams, the unattainable acorn in the distance.''

"The unattainable acorn in the distance." The what now?

Of course, the song isn't about that; it's about partying until you fall over.

Or... is it?

I'm better
So much better now
I see the light, touch the light,
We're together now

When you read the lyrics, the image is less of people partying through the night and more... well...

Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run

... it reads like the last will and testament of someone backed into a corner choosing to kill themselves rather than capitulate.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll find us chasing the sun
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll find us chasing the sun

Obviously, not that bit.

When the daylight's fading
We're gonna play in the dark
Till it's golden again
And now it feels so amazing
Can't see it coming
And we'll never grow old again
You'll find us chasing the sun

If I didn't know better - and, really, I don't - I'd assume that the Wanted's songwriters have tricked the band into recording a suicide anthem.

Maybe the unattainable acorn in the distance is the afterlife. Who knew?

Dire Straits: Canada okay with faggots after all

If you were planning to move to Canada on the basis of the ban on Money For Nothing, bad news. The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council have thought again, and will now allow Knopfler's tale of white-good-shifting to pump from the Canadian radio once again:

The new decision was based on what CBSC calls "considerable additional information" – such as learning that alternative versions of "Money For Nothing" have existed since 1985, proving "the band and the composer considered that there was a less offensive way of presenting the song to the public long ago" and the context in which the word is used demonstrates that "the composer's language appears not to have had an iota of malevolent or insulting intention."

Maybe I'm missing something, but if there's a version without faggot in, doesn't that sort-of suggest even Dire Straits feel uncomfortable with a song using the word, rather than making it alright?

Will.i.am: You and me both, mate

It turns out that Will.i.am is sick to death of the lyrics to My Humps.

It's only taken six years for him to catch up with all other sentient life on the planet, then.

Liam Gallagher: Not that there's anything wrong with ambition

You know when you're, say, seven years old, and you haven't quite grasped that the world takes more than wishes to make it run, and you actually believe that you might be able to be the first person on Mars? It turns out some people never grow out of that phase:

"Fuck being as big as Oasis," [Liam Gallagher] said. "I want to be bigger than The Beatles, man."

Yes, of course you do, little fella. And you go and have a try at turning your consolation prize group into a band bigger than The Beatles. He's adorable, isn't he? We should for sure buy some of those cookies his troop will be asking... oh, hang on, he's a grown man, isn't he?

And my, how he's grown:

Gallagher also spoke about wanting to move on from his former band, saying: "I'm done singing about 'Cigarettes And Alcohol'. I've moved on."

He has. No more cigarettes and alcohol. Look at Wigwam, for example:

The chips are down, you're in the game
But win or lose you feel the same
Another bottle in the hand
You're sick of life and it's demands

You see? Absolutely no cigarettes in that lyric.

But, hey, maybe that bottle doesn't have any alcohol in it. Let's look instead at Bring The Light:

I see no point in what you're thinking
I'm going out I'm takin you drinkin'

Oh... well, what about the Roller, then?

So you been crawling through a maze
An alcohol lemon haze
I've been watching you for days
You've been outta sight alright, alright, alright

Well, at least he has definitively moved on from singing about cigarettes. Let's give him that, shall we?

Bookmarks - Internet stuff: We to me

Ben Goldacre abstracts some research into American song lyrics:

Over time, use of words related to self-focus and antisocial behavior increased, whereas words related to other-focus, social interactions, and positive emotion decreased. These findings offer novel evidence regarding the need to investigate how changes in the tangible artifacts of the sociocultural environment can provide a window into understanding cultural changes in psychological processes.

Gordon in the morning: Rubber out

Could a session from Scouting For Girls be made any less attractive? Oh yes:

SCOUTING FOR GIRLS have joked how they may release a song called She's So Rubbery - on the advice of NOEL GALLAGHER.

When the band played an exclusive Biz Session I told them how Noel joked that their hit She's So Lovely was about a blow-up doll after his daughter kept singing the rubbery lyric.

And on it goes. Roy Stride claims this is "the best story I've ever heard."

Which it might just be.

It seems to escape the band that they're so dull, the most interesting thing Smart can find to say about them is that a small child has misheard their lyrics. Indeed, it's what the whole article is about.

Scouting For Very Small Girls indeed.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet - Men At Work

Quite rightly, the internet has raised as one in praise of Alan Connor's consideration of Down Under for the BBC News Magazine:

Of the two choruses (one rhymes "under" with "plunder"; the other with "chunder"), it's the one about sweat ("where women glow"), beer and vomiting that sticks in the mind. ("Chunder", meaning "vomit", was a piece of surfer slang also popularised by Humphries, who believes it started as a nautical warning - "watch under" - from those on the upper decks to their shipmates below.)

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet - lyrics

Meet Awesomely Bad Lyrics, which... well, you can guess, can't you? But it's more than just finger-pointing. There's annotation as well:

I picked up the cash flow / Then we played bones, and I’m yellin' domino / Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A., today was a good day

I have played dominoes a few times and have never heard of yelling "DOMINO!" but apparently it is a thing.

I don't know how this last line is supposed to be punctuated: He could be saying that people he knows got killed, just not in South Central L.A. ... or nobody he knows got killed, and it was a good day in South Central L.A.

Favourite son: Ireland rallies round Bono

With Bono's moon-june/peanut butter-was a nutter Elvis poem about to find a slot on Radio 4, the wackily-eyeclad one's work has come in for a bit of a lashing.

But today is his birthday, and as a special present, The Irish Independent has rallied up some experts to stick up for Bono as a lyricist:

"Bono has written his fair share of bad lyrics, but when he gets it right his words really stand out. Look at some lines from 'Ultra Violet (Light My Way)': 'When I was all messed up/ And I heard opera in my head/ Your love was a light bulb/ Hanging over my bed.' That's so evocative and works as beautiful writing away from the music. It can stand on its own on the page and, of course, it's even more effective when accompanied by the music."

Although given that's the opinion of Scott Calhoun, who is organising an international U2 conference, it's the admission that there's a "fair share" of bad lyrics which really stands out.

Calhoun -- who has to contend with the bemused reaction of his academic peers when he talks about U2 -- is not afraid to criticise Bono's less inspired moments. "I don't think he works on his lyrics in the pain-staking manner of people like Dylan or Lennon. Often, they change at the last moment and sometimes his words can come across as lazy or very silly. I mean a line like 'some days you can't stand the sight of a puppy' from 'Some Days Are Better Than Others' is pretty difficult to defend."

Yes, the Irish Independent did hyphenate painstaking in that curious way - as if the lyric is something on which you would gamble pain, rather than the more usual "something with which you would take pains to get right".

The most interesting part of the story, though, is this:

Meanwhile, the Daily Mail greeted news of Bono's recitation with unbridled hostility. "Why is the BBC so in love with Bono when he's a dreadful old hypocrite?" Thursday's headline screeched. And Mail journalist Christopher Hart offered his own poem: "Bono in your sunglasses, even when it rains/ Bono in your private jet while the rest of us take trains/ Bono with your tax affairs safely overseas/ Bono, oh will you shut up, please." The poem's title? Bono: Irish Twit. Readers of the paper's Irish edition won't have been able to sample Hart's poetic attempts: it was only published in the UK.

Only the Mail could actually be hypocritical about calling someone a hypocrite.

At last - Caleb Kings talks sense

I can nod wholeheartedly and genuinely with Caleb Followill when he says Sex On Fire was a rubbish idea:

"I just had this melody and I didn't know what to say. Then one day I just sang "this sex is on fire" and I laughed. I thought it was terrible, but the rest of the band were like, 'it's good, it's got a hook'. I was like 'fuck off!' but I ended up writing it," he said.

Of course, we do split again when he decides it was worth recording the song.

Apparently, it's all down to the sex factor:

"There's an element of sex that's expected in our songs so I tried to wrap it all up in one song. If you read the lyrics you'll find it's got some quite visual lyrics in it. It's a pretty sexy song actually, but I knew after writing 'Sex On Fire', I couldn't write verses about making out, or going to the movie theatre with a girl," he said.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't really think I've ever looked to Kings Of Leon for an element of sex. Indeed, they're so far removed from sex that typing 'kings of leon' into Google actually has the same effect of installing a porn filter on your computer.

See me, hear me, feel me

Just when you think all the possible music metrics have been exhausted, along comes fleshmap [NSFW], a visual depiction of mentions of body parts in various genres.

Tits, we learn, are mentioned in 0.47% of electronica lyrics; alt-rock songs have roughly a one in 2000 chance of mentioning dick and over ten per cent of R&B songs mention eyes. Gospel is very low on rude parts (unless you have a knee fetish) and we'd guess the 0.62% of lyrics which mention "ass" are actually talking donkeys.

Poor Soulja Boy insists he's misunderstood

Soulja Boy is worried we'll get the wrong idea about him:

"They've got it all wrong. People like to say my songs are sexual and that really gets to me," he told Hot TV magazine. "That could hurt my reputation and affect the future of my career. People are just misinterpreting the lyrics."

Really?

Here's the first verse of Soulja's Blow My Booty Hoe. We shan't pass any judgement, lest we skew your opinion one way or another:

im lookin fo misses supa sweet
im mr booty meat i wanna sket sket sket (oh)
between yo teeth hoes call me soulja boy cause my dick so large
i can fuck you from da back
in da middle of da yard hoe
im fo real naw dis shit aint fake
happy birthday bitch
come get yo bithday cake
i know what i mean
i aint make no mistakes
let me hit it from da back
den we head to da place

It's absurd that people might think "I've got a massive cock and can fuck you from the back of the garden" could be interpreted in a sexual way. How twisted people can be, eh?

Soulja also worries that the whole calling women "hoes" might reflect badly on him, making him look like a prick or something:

"That's how I was raised, but it's not something I'm proud of," he explained. "Since I've been in the music industry I've learnt from older people that it's not good to talk like that. I'm more careful now."

Oddly, though, having learned that calling women hoes is deeply unpleasant - and you can see why it might take a while for that to occur - Soulja has yet to have any regrets about the second verse of that tune, and in particular this bit:

i will rape dat hoe man
we ready to go satrt da car
and we gon go bitch wanna
go den she can go
when she get to my house
imma fuck dat hoe

Presumably he's yet to meet someone old enough to explain that promising to rape women isn't anything to be proud of, either.

Kanye feels so real

Kanye West loves his work, you know. And do you know why? Because he's real, dammit. And he's not just real, he's further along the scale of real than anyone:

"I feel like my lyrics are, if not THE, then equal to, the realest lyrics out," he says. "I connected with so many people without talkin' about guns and drugs. ... It's harder to go to work 365 days than shoot a person in one day."

Presumably he means "harder" in the "not wearing a shirt in cold weather" sense rather than difficult, as it's hardly news that shooting a bloke (which, as Phil Oakey pointed out, takes seconds) isn't quite as involved as an EU-regulation defying 365 day shift.

Hey You? Oy, vey.

The mighty Pojustice has got a clip of the trudging Hey You - it's an EcoPlod, presumably; and the lyrics to Madonna's answer to the world's problems have also started to appear online. But we can't believe that the most complete set - which includes the line "the sun is shining/the earth is whining" - can possibly be true. Seriously, even if you thought the couplet wasn't so damn cheesey it could trap a rat, why would you try and protect the planet by portraying it as some sort of petulant teenager. "I'm getting hot... my make-up's running. I don't like it. Make it stop."

The clip on PJ does have some audible lyrics - "open your heart/you've got to change this time" - and since you're changing, might we recommend a tracksuit from H&M, imported from halfway around the world - and the frankly baffling "keep it together, we'll make it alright/our celebration is going on tonight." Which suggests, if nothing else, Madonna is writing from a conviction that the very start of the song will do so well to organise some sort of general keeping-it-together and unspecified changing, that by the end of the song the danger will all be over and we can get down to partying.

Or maybe she's just being honest and admitting that Live Earth is going to be little more than a bunch of hot air and some famous people telling us how great they are at saving us common folk.

"This could be good, hey you" ends Madonna. Yes, let's look for the silver lining in the global climate catastrophe clouds - or where the clouds would have been if the Earth hadn't heated up so much. At least it's given Madonna the chance to look concerned in a way that hasn't involved taking other people's children. And she can wear that white suit again. It's all good.

Iggy: my knob is in the Constitution, or something

Most men react badly when accused of thinking with, about, for (and sometimes through) their penises. Not so Iggy Pop:

“You write about things of importance to you. And it’s gotta be for real. Do I think about my dick? All the time. I gotta a right to sing about it.”

“If I thought ‘It’s time to write a rock song, I’d better mention my dick,’ then I wouldn’t be able to say dick right. But it’s nature orientated.”

We're not quite sure it's "nature-orientated" in the sense Bill Oddie would use, although we do like the idea of him and Kate Humble hiding in the bushes hoping to catch sight of the first emergence of Iggy Pop's manhood.